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Full text of "Alice's adventures in Wonderland"



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ALICE'S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND. 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES 
IN WONDERLAND 



BY 

LEWIS CARROLL 



WITH FORrr-rfvo illustrations by john tenniel 



iLontion 
MACMILLAN AND CO., Limited 

NEW YORK: THE MACMILLAN COMPANY 

1905 

All rights ressri'ed 



Books by LEWIS CARROLL. 

ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. With 

42 illustrations by John Thnniel. Ex. Crown 8vo, 6^. net. People's 
Edition. Wiih all the original illustrations. Crown 8vo, 2s. 6d. net. 
Pocket Classics. Fcap. 8vOj Cloth, 2s. net. Leather, 3^. net. Medium 
8vo, Sewed, (>d. Cloth, is. 

THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS, AND WHAT 

ALICE FOUND THKRE. Ex. Crown 8vo, with 50 illustrations by 
Tenniel. 6s. net. People's Edition Crown Bvo, with all th«f!original 
illustrations. 2^. 6d. net. Pocket Classics. Fcap. 8vo, Cloth, 2s. net. 
Leather, -^s. net. Medium Bvo, Sewed, 6d. Cloth, is. 

ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND, AND 
THROUGH THri- LOOKING-GLASS AND WHAT ALICE 
FOUND THERE. People's Edition. Crown 8vo, 4^. 6d. net. 

ALICE'S ADVENTURES UNDER GROUND. With 27 
illustrations by the author. Crov/n 8vo, 4s. net. 

THE HUNTING OF THE SNARK : An Agony, in Eight 
Fits. Wiih illustrations by H. Holiday. Crown 8vo, 4J. 6d. net. 

RHYME? AND REASON? With illustrations by A. B. 
Frost and H. Holiday. Crown 8vo, 6s. net. 

SYLVIE AND BRUNO. With 46 illustrations by Harry 
FuRNiss. Crown 8vo, js. 6d. net. People's Edition. Crown 8vo, 
zs. 6d. net. 

SYLVIE AND FRUNO. Concluded. With illustrations by 
Harry Furniss. Crown 8vo, 7J. 6d. net. People^s Edition. Crown 
8vo, 2j. 6d. net. 

THE STORY OF SYLVIE AND BRUNO. In one 

voluiue. With Illustrations by Harry Furniss. Crown 8vo, 35. 6d. 
net. 

THREE SUNSETS AND OTHER POEMS. Fcap. 4to, 

4^. net. 
SYMBOLIC l6gIC. Part I. Elementary. Fcap. 8vo, 



THE LITTLE FOLKS' EDITION. 

ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. Adapted 
for Very Liule Folks. With 32 coloured illustrations by Tenniel. 
Square i6mo, is. 6d. net. 

THROUGH THE LOOKING-GLASS. Adapted for very 
Little Folks. With 32 coloured illustrations by Tenniel. Square 
i6mo, IS. 6d net. 

MACMILLAN AND CO., Ltd., LONDON. 



Richard Clay and Sons, Limited, 

bread street hill, e.g., and 

bungay, suffolk. 

First Edition Sixpenny Series published 1898. 
Reprinted^ 1899 (twice), 1900, 1902, 1903, 1905. 



Ail in the golden afternoon 

Full leisurely we glide ; 
For both our oars, with little skill, 

By little arms are plied, 
While little hands make vain pretence 

Our wanderings to guide. 

Ah, cruel Three ! In such an hour, 
Beneath such dreamy weather, 

To beg a tale of breath too weak 
To stir the tiniest feather ! 

Yet what can one poor voice avail 
Against tlwee tongues together ? 

Imperious Prima flashes forth 

Her edict " to begin it " — 
In gentler tone Secunda hopes 

" There will be nonsense in it ! " — 
While Tertia interrupts the tale 

Not 7)iore than once a minute. 

Anon, to sudden silence won. 

In fancy they pursue 
The dream-child moving through a land 

Of wonders wild and new, 
In friendly chat with bird or beast — 

And half believe it true. 



And ever, as the story drained 

The wells of fancy dry, 
And faintly strove that weary one 

To put the subject by, 
" The rest next time — " " It is next time ! " 

The happy voices cry. 

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland : 

Thus slowly^ one by one, 
Its quaint events were hammered out — 

And now the tale is done. 
And home we steer, a merry crew, 

Beneath the setting sun. 

Alice ! a childish story take. 

And with a gentle hand 
Lay it where Childhood's dreams are twined 

In Memory's mystic band. 
Like pilgrim's wither'd wreath of flowers 

Pluck'd in a far-off land. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER PAGE 

I. Down the Rabbit-hole 11 



II. The Pool of Tears 19 

III. A Caucus- RACE and a Long Tale 28 

IV. The Rabbit sends in a Little Bill 36 

V. Advice from a Caterpillar 46 

VI. Pig and Pepper 58 

VIL A Mad Tea-party , 69 

VIII. The Queen's Croquet-ground 79 

IX. The Mock Turtle's Story 90 

X. The Lobster Quadrille 100 

XI. Who Stole the Tarts? 109 

XII. Alice's Evidence Il7 



12 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and was 
just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under 
the hedge. 

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once 
considering how in the world she was to get- out again. 

The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some 
way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice 
had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she 

found herself falling down what 
seemed to be a very deep well. 

Either the well was very 
deep, or she fell very slowly, for 
she had plenty of time as she 
went down to look about her, 
and to wonder what was going 
to happen next. First, she 
tried to look down and make 
out what she was coming to, 
but it was too dark to see 
anything ; then she looked at 
the sides of the well, and no- 
ticed that they were filled with 
cupboards and book -shelves : 
here and there she saw maps 
and pictures hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from 
one of the shelves as she passed ; it was labelled " ORANGE 
MARMALADE," but to her great disappointment it was 
empty : she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing 
somebody underneath, so managed to put it into one of the 
cupboards as she fell past it. 

" Well ! " thought Alice to herself. " After such a fall as 
this, I shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs ! How 




DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 13 

brave they'll all think me at home ! Why, I wouldn't say 
anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house ! " 
(Which was very likely true.) 

Down, clown, down. Would the fall never come to an end ? 
" I wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time ? " she said 
aloud. "I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the 
earth. Let me see : that would be four thousand miles down, 
I think — " (for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this 
sort in her lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not 
a very good opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there 
was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice to say it 
over) " — yes, that's about the right distance — but then I wonder 
what Latitude or Longitude I've got to ? " (Alice had no idea 
what lifttitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were 
nice grand words to say.) 

Presently she began again. " I wonder if I shall fall right 
through the earth ! How funny it'll seem to come out among 
the people that walk with their heads downwards ! The Anti- 
pathies, I think — " (she was rather glad there was no one 
listening, this time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) 
" — but I shall have to ask them what the name of the country is, 
vou know. Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia ? " 
(and she tried to curtsey as she spoke — fancy curtseying as 
you're falling through the air ! Do you think you could manage 
it?) "And what an ignorant little girl she'll think me! 
No, it'll never do to ask : perhaps I shall see it written 
up somewhere." 

Down, down, down. There was nothing else to do, so 
Alice soon began talking again. " Dinah'll miss me very much 
to-night, I should think ! " (Dinah was the cat.) *' I hope 
they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah, my 
dear, I wish you were down here with me ! There are no mice 



14 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

in the air, I'm afraid, but you might catch a bat, and that's 
very like a mouse, you know. But do cats eat bats, I 
wonder ? " And here Alice began to get rather sleepy, and 
went on saying to herself, in a dreamy -sort of way, " Do cats 
eat bats? Do cats eat bats?" and sometimes, "Do bats eat 
cats ? " for, you see, as she couldn't ansAver either question, it 
didn't much matter which way she put it. She felt that she 
was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she was 
walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very 
earnestly, *' Now, Dinah, tell me the truth : did you ever eat 
a bat ? " when suddenly, thump I thump ! down she came upon 
a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall was over. 

Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet 
in a moment : she looked up, but it was all dark overhead ; 
before her was another long passage, and the White Eabbit 
was still in sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment 
to be lost : away went Alice like the wind, and was just in 
time to hear it say, as it turned a corner, " Oh my ears and 
whiskers, how late it's getting ! " She was close behind it 
when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to 
be seen : she found herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up 
by a row of lamps hanging from the roof. 

There were doors all round the hall, but they were all 
locked ; and when Alice had been all the way down one side 
and up the other, trying every door, she walked sadly down 
the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again. 

Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all 
made of solid glass ; there was nothing on it but a tiny 
golden key, and Alice's first idea was that this might belong 
to one of the doors of the hall ; but, alas ! either the locks were 
too. large, or the key was too small, but at any rate it would 
not open any of them. However, on the second time round, she 



DOWN THE RABBIT-HOLE. 15 

came upon a low curtain she had not noticed before, and behind 
it was a little door about fifteen inches high : she tried the 
little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted ! 

Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small 
passage, not much larger than a rat-hole : she knelt down and 
looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever 
saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander 
about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool foun- 
tains, but she could not even get her head through the 
doorway ; " and even if my head would go through," thought 
poor Alice, ^' it would be of very little use without my 
shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope ! 
I think I could, if I only knew how to begin." For, you 
see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that 
Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were 
really impossible. 

There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so 
she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another 
key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up 
like telescopes : this time she found a little bottle on it, 
(" which certainly was not here before," said Alice,) and ti<5d 
round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words 
" DRINK ME " beautifully printed on it in large letters. 

It was all very well to say " Drink me," but the wise little 
Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. "No, I'll look 
first," she said, " and see whether it's marked 'poison ' or not ;" 
for she had read several nice little stories about children who 
had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts, and other un- 
pleasant things, all because they would not remember the 
simple rules their friends had taught them : such as, that 
a red-hot poker will burn you if you hold it too long ; 
and that, if you cut your finger very deeply with a knife, 



!€ 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



it usually bleeds ; and slie 
had never forgotten that, 
if you drink much from a 
bottle marked " poison," it 
is almost certain to dis- 
agree with you, sooner or 
later. 

However, this bottle 
was not marked " poison," 
so Alice ventured to taste 
it, and finding it very 
nice (it had, in fact, a 
sort of mixed flavour of 
cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and 
hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished it off. 




" What a curious feeling ! " 
said Alice. " I must be shutting, 
up like a telescope." 

And so it was indeed : she 
was now only ten inches high, 
and her face brightened up at 
the thought that she was now 
the right size for going through 
the little door into that lovely 
garden. First, however, she 
waited for a few minutes to 
see if she was going to shrink 
any further : she felt a little 
nervous about this ; " for it might end, you know," said 




DOWN THE KABBIT-HOLE. 17 

Alice to herself, "in mj going out altogether, like a candle. 
I wonder what I should be like then ? " And she tried to 
fancy what the flame of a candle looks like after the candle 
is blown oat, for she could not remember ever having seen 
such a thing. 

After a while, finding that nothing more happened, slie 
decided on going into the garden at once ; but, alas for poor 
Alice ! when she got to the door, she found she had forgott(^n 
the little- golden key, and when she went back to the table lor 
it, she found she could not possibly reach it : she could Jsee 
it quite plainly through the glass, and she tried her best to 
climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was too slippery ; 
and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor 
little thing sat down and cried. 

"Come, there's no use in crying like that!" said Alice 
to herself, rather sharply. " I advise you to leave off this 
minute ! " She generally gave herself very good advice (though 
she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself 
so severely as to bring tears into her eyes ; and once she 
remembered trying to box her own ears for having cheated 
herself in a game of croquet she was playing against herself, 
for this curious child was very fond of pretending to be two 
people. " But it's no use now," thought poor Alice, " to 
pretend to be two people ! Why, there's hardly enough of 
me left to make one respectable person ! " 

Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under 
the table : she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on 
which the words "EAT ME" were beautifully marked in 
currants. " Well, I'll eat it," said Alice, " and if it makes me 
grow larger, I can reach the key ; and if it makes me grow 
smaller, I can creep under the door ; so either way I'll get 
into the garden, and I don't care which happens ! " 



18 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND, 

She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, " Which 
way ? Which way ? " holding her hand on the top of her head 
to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised 
to find that she remained the same size ; to be sure, this 
is what generally happens when one eats cake, but Alice had 
got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the- 
way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for 
life to go on in the common way. 

So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake. 



CHAPTER IL 

POOL OF TEARS. 

" CuRiousER and curiouser ! " cried Alice (she was so much 
surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak 
good English) ; '' now I'm opening out like the largest 
telescope that ever was ! Good-bye, feet ! " (for when she 
looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of 
sight, they were getting so far off). " Oh, my poor little feet, 
I wonder who will put on your shoes and stockings for you 
now, dears ? I'm sure / sha'n't be able ! I shall be a great 
deal too far off to trouble myself about you : you must 
manage the best way you can — but I must be kind to them," 
thought Alice, " or perhaps they won't walk the way I 
want to go ! Let me see : I'll give them a new pair of boots 
every Christmas." 

And she went on planning to herself how she would 
manage it. " They must go by the carrier," she thought ; 
" and how funny it'll seem, sending presents to one's own 
feet ! And how odd the directions will look ! 

Alices Right Foot, Esq. 
Hearthrug, 

near the Fender, 

(with Alices love). 

Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking ! " 

Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall : in 
fact she was now rather more than nine feet high, and she at 



20 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 



once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the 

garden door. 

Poor Alice ! It was as much as she could do, lying down 

on one side, to look through 
into the garden with one eye ; 
but to get through was more 
hopeless than ever : she sat down 
and began to cry again. 

" You ought to be ashamed 
of yourself," said Alice, "a great 
girl like you," (she might well 
say this), "to go on crying in 
this way ! Stop this moment, 
I tell you ! " But she went on 
all the same, shedding gallons 
of tears, until there was a large 
pool all round her, about four 
inches deep and reaching half 
down the hall. 

After a time she heard a 
little pattering of feet in the 
distance, and she hastily dried 
her eyes to see what was coming. 
It was the White Eabbit re- 
turning, splendidly dressed, with 
a pair of white kid gloves in one 
hand and a large fan in the 
other : he came trotting along 
in a great hurry, muttering to 

himself as he came, " Oh ! the Duchess, the Duchess ! Oh ! 

won't she be savage if I've kept her waiting ! " Alice felt so 

desperate that she was ready to ask help of any one ; so, when 




POOL OF TEARS. 



21 




the Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, " If 

you please, sir " The Rabbit started violently, dropped 

the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the 
darkness as hard as he could go. 

Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very 
hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking : 
" Dear, dear ! How queer everything is to-day ! And yester- 
day things went on just as usual. I wonder if I've been changed 
in the night ? Let me think : was I the same when I got up 
this morning ? I almost think I can remember feeling a little 
diflferent. But if Fm not the same, the next question is. Who 
in the world am I ? Ah, that's the great puzzle ! " And she 



22 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the 
same age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for 
any of them. 

" I'm sure I'm not Ada," she said, " for her hair goes in 
such long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all ; and 
I'm sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and 
she, oh ! she knows such a very little ! Besides, she's she, and 
Im I, and — oh dear, how puzzling it all is ! I'll try if I 
know all the things I used to know. Let me see : four times 
five is twelve, and four tipaes six is thirteen, and four times 
seven is — oh dear ! I shall never get to twenty at that 
rate ! However, the Multiplication Table doesn't signify : 
let's try Geography. London is the capital of Paris, and 
Paris is the capital of Kome, and Kome — no, that's all wrong, 
I'm certain 1 I must have been changed for Mabel ! I'll 
try and say 'How doth the little — '" and she crossed her 
hands on her lap as if she were saying lessons, and began 
to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse and strange, and 
the words did not come the same as they used to do : — 

"How doth the little crocodile 
Improve his shining tail, 
And pour the waters of the Nile 
On every golden scale! 

"How cheerfully he seems to grin, 
How neatly spread his claws. 
And welcomes little fishes in, 
With gently smiling jaws 1 " 

" Im sure those are not the right words," said poor Alice, 
and her eyes filled with tears again as she went on. "I must 
be Mabel, after all, and I shall have to go and live in that 
poky little house, and have next to no toys to play with 



POOL OF TEARS. 23 

and oh ! ever so many lessons to learn ! No, I've made up 
my mind about it ; if I'm Mabel, I'll stay down here ! It'll 
be no use their putting their heads down and saying ' Come 
up again, dear ! ' I shall only look up and say ' Who am 
I then ? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that 
person, I'll come up : if not, I'll stay down here till I'm 
somebody else ' — but, oh dear ! " cried Alice, with a sudden 
burst of tears, " I do wish they would put their heads down ! 
I am so very tired of being all alone here ! " 

As she said this she looked dbwn at her hands, and was 
surprised to see that she had put on one of the Babbit's little 
white kid gloves while she was talking. " How can I have 
done that ? " she thought. " I must be growing small again." 
She got up and went to the table to measure herself by it, 
and found that, as nearly as she could guess, she was now 
about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly : 
she soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she 
was holding, and she dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid 
shrinking away altogether. 

" That ivas a narrow escape ! " said Alice, a good deal 
frightened at the sudden change, but very glad to find herself 
still in existence ; " and now for the garden ! " and she ran 
with all speed back to the little door : but, alas ! the little 
door was shut again, and the little golden key was lying on 
the glass table as before, " and things are worse than ever," 
thought the poor child, ^*for I never was so small as this 
before, never ! And I declare it's too bad, that it is ! " 

As she sa^id these words her foot slipped, and in another 
moment, splash ! she was up to her chin in salt water. Her 
first idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, " and 
in that case I can go back by railway," she said to herself. 
(Alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and had come 



24 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



to the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the 
English coast you find a number of bathing machines in the 
sea, some children digging in the sand with wooden spades, 
then a row of lodging houses, and behind them a railway 
station.) However, she soon made out that she was in 
the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine 
feet high. 

" I wish I hadn't cried so much ! " said Alice, as she swam 
about, trying to find her way out. " I shall be punished for it 




now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears ! That 
will be a queer thing, to be sure ! However, everything is 
queer to-day." 

Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool 
a little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was : 
at first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but 
then she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made 
out that it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself. 

" Would it be of any use now," thought Alice, " to speak 
to this mouse? Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, 
that I should think very likely it can talk : at any rate, there's 



POOL OF TEARS. 



25 



no harm in trying." So she began : " Mouse, do you know 
the way out of this pool ? I am very tired of swimming about 
here, Mouse ! " (Alice thought this must be the right way 
of speaking to a mouse : she had never done such a thing 
before, but she remembered having seen in her brothers 
Latin Grammar, *' A mouse — of a mouse — to a mouse — a 
mouse — mouse ! ") The Mouse looked at her rather inquisi- 




tively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little eyes, 
but it said nothing. 

" Perhaps it doesn't understand English," thought Alice ; 
" I daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the 
Conqueror." (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice 
had no very clear notion how long ago anything had 
happened.) So she began again : " Oh est ma chatte ?" which 
was the first sentence in her French lesson-book. The Mouse 
gave a sudden leap out of the water, and seemed to quiver all 
over with fright. " Oh, I beg your pardon ! " cried Alice 
hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animal's feelings. 
** I quite forgot you didn't like cats." 



26 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" Not like cats ! " cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate 
voice. " Would you like cats if you were me ? " 

'* Well, perhaps not," said Alice in a soothing tone : " don't 
be angry about it. And yet I wish I could show you our cat 
Dinah : I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only 
see her. She is such a dear quiet thing," Alice went on, half 
to herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, " and she sits 
purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her 
face — and she is such a nice soft thing to nurse — and she's such 

a capital one for catching mice oh, I beg your pardon ! '* 

cried Alice again, for this time the Mouse was bristling 
all over, and she felt certain it must be really offended. 
" We won't talk about her any more if you'd rather not." 

" We, indeed ! " cried the Mouse, who was trembling down 
to the end of his tail. "As if / would talk on such a subject ! 
Our family always hated cats : nasty, low, vulgar things ! 
Don't let me hear the name again ! " 

" I won't indeed 1 " said Alice, in a great hurry to change 
the subject of conversation. " Are you — are you fond — of — of 
dogs ? " The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly : 
" There is such a nice little dog near our house I should like to 
show you ! A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, 
such long curly brown hair ! And it'll fetch things when you 
throw them, and itll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts 
of things — I can't remember half of them — and it belongs to a 
farmer, you know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a 
hundred pounds ! He says it kills all the rats and — oh dear ! " 
cried Alice in a sorrowful tone, " I'm afraid I've offended it 
agam ! " For the Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as 
it could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool as it went. 

So she called softly after it, " Mouse dear ! Do come back 
again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't 



POOL OF TEARS. 1 . 

like them ! " When the Moijse heard this, it turned round 
and swam slowly back to her : its face was quite pale (with 
passion, Alice thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, 
" Let us get to the shore, and then FU tell you my history, 
and you'll understand why it is I hate cats and dogs." 

It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite 
crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen into it : 
there were a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and 
several other curious creatures. Alice led the way, and the 
whole party swam to the shore. 



CHAPTEE III. 

A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 

They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on 
the bank — the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with 
their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, 
and uncomfortable. 

The first question of course was, how to get dry 
again : they had a consultation about this, and after a few 
minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself 
talking familiarly with them, as if she had known them all 
her life. Indeed, she had quite a long argument with the 
Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say " I am 
older than you, and must know better ; " and this Alice 
would not allow without knowing how old it waSv and, 
as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no 
more to be said. 

At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of 
authority among them, called out " Sit down, all of you, and 
listen to me ! Fll soon make you dry enough ! " They all 
sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the 



A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 29 

middle. Alice kept her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she 
felt sure she would catch a bad cold if she did not get dry 
very soon. 

" Ahem ! " said the Mouse with an important air. " Are 
you all ready ? This is the driest thing I know. Silence all 
round, if you please ! * William the Conqueror, whose cause 
was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the 
English, who wanted leaders, and had been of late much 
accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin and Morcar, 
the earls of Mercia and Northumbria — ' " 

" Ugh ! " said the Lory, with a shiver. 

" I beg your pardon ! " said the Mouse, frowning, but very 
politely. " Did you speak ? " 

''Not I ! " said the Lory hastily. 

" I thought you did," said the Mouse. " — I proceed. 
' Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, 
declared for him : and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop, 
of Canterbury, found it advisable — ' " 

" Found tvhat ? " said the Duck. 

" Found it," the Mouse replied rather crossly : " of course 
you know what 'it' means." 

" I know what ' it ' means well enough, when / find a 
thing," said the Duck ; " it's generally a frog or a worm. The 
question is, what did the archbishop find?" 

The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went 
on, " ' — found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet 
William and offer him the crown. William's conduct at first 
was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans — ' How 
are you getting on now, my dear ? " it continued, turning to 
Alice as it spoke. 

"As wet as ever," said Alice in a melancholy tone : "it 
doesn't seem to dry me at all." 



30 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

*' In that case," said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, 
" I move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption 
of more energetic remedies " 

*' Speak English ! " said the Eaglet. " I don't know the 
meaning of half those long words, and, what's more, I don't 
believe you do either ! " And the Eaglet bent down its 
head to hide a smile : some of the other birds tittered 
audibly. 

" What I was going to say," said the Dodo in an offended 
tone, " was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a 
Caucus-race." 

" What is a Caucus-race ? " said Alice ; not that she much 
wanted to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought 
that somebody ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined 
to say anything. 

" Why," said the Dodo, " the best way to explain it is to 
do it." (And, as you might like to try the thing yourself 
some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo man- 
aged it.) 

First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (''the 
exact shape doesn't matter," it said,) and then all the party 
were placed along the course, here and there. There was no 
" One, two, three, and away," but they began running when 
they liked, and left off when they liked, so that it was not 
easy to know when the race was over. However, when they 
had been running half an hour or so, and were quite dry 
again, the Dodo suddenly called out " The race is over ! " and 
they all crowded round it, panting, and asking " But who 
has won ? " 

This question the Dodo could not answer without a great 
deal of thought, and it stood for a long time with one finger 
pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually 



A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 31 

see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited 
in silence. At last the Dodo said " Everybody has won, and 
all must have prizes." 

" But who is to give the prizes ? " quite a chorus of voices 
asked. 

"Why, she, of course," said the Dodo, pointing to 
Alice with one finger; and the whole party at once 
crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, "Prizes! 
Prizes 1 " 

Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put 
her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits 
(luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed 
them round as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all 
round. 

" But she must have a prize herself, you know," said the 
Mouse. 

" Of course," the Dodo replied very gravely. 

" What else have you got in your pocket ? " it went on 
turning to Alice. 

" Only a thimble," said Alice sadly. 

" Hand it over here," said the Dodo. 

Then they all crowded round her once more, while the 
Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying " We beg your 
acceptance of this elegant thimble ; " and, when it had finished 
this short speech, they all cheered. 

Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all 
looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh ; and, as 
she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, 
and took the thimble, looking as solemn as she could. 

The next thing was to eat the comfits ; this caused some 
noise and confusion, as the large birds complained that they 
could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had 



32 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



to be patted on the back. However, it was over at last, and 
they sat down again in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell 
them something more. 

" You promised to tell me your history, you know," said 
Alice, " and why it is you hate — C and D," she added in a 
whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again. 




" Mine is a long and sad tale 1 " said the Mouse, turning 
to Alice and sighing. 

'* It is a long tail, certainly," said Alice, looking down 
with wonder at the Mouse's tail ; " but why do you call it 
sad ? " And she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse 



A CAUCUS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 33 

was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something 
like this : " Fury said to 

a mouse, That 

he met in the 

house, 'Let 
us both go 
to law: / 
will prose- 
cute you. — - 
Come, I 'il 
take no de- 
nial: AVe 
must have 
the trial ; 
For really 
this morn- 
ing I've 
nothing 
to do.' 
Said the 
mouse to 
the cur, 
' Such a 
tiial, dear 
sir. With 
no jury 
or judges 
would 
be wast- 
ing our 
breath.' 
'I'll be 
judge, 
I'll be 



cun- 
ning 
old 
Fury: 
'I 11 
try 
the 
whole 

caiua, 
. and 

con- 
demn 
jrou to 



"You are not attending!" said the Mouse to Alice 
severely. "What are you thinking of?" 

" I beg your pardon," said Alice very humbly : " you 
had got to the fifth bend, I think ? " 

"I had not!'' cried the Mouse, angrily. 

" A knot 1 " said Alice, always ready to make herself 

c 



34 



ALICES ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



useful, and looking anxiously about her. "Oh, do let me 
help to undo it ! " 

" I shall do nothing of the sort," said the Mouse, getting up 
and walking away. "You insult me by talking such nonsense !" 

" I didn't mean it ! " pleaded poor Alice. " But you're 
so easily offended, you know ! " 




The Mouse only growled in reply. 

*' Please come back and finish your story ! " Alice 
called after it. And the others all joined in chorus, " Yes, 
please do ! " but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently 
and walked a little quicker. 

"What a pity it wouldn't stay!" sighed the Lory, as 
soon as it was quite out of sight ; and an old Crab took the 
opportunity of saying to her daughter " Ah, my dear 1 Let 
this be a lesson to you never to lose your temper ! " " Hold 
your tongue. Ma ! " said the young Crab, a little snappishly. 
" You're enough to try the patience of an oyster ! " 



A CAUCAS-RACE AND A LONG TALE. 35 

" I wish 1 liacl our Dinah here, I know I do ! " said Alice 
aloud, addressing nobody in particular. " She'd soon fetch 
it back ! " 

" And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the 
question ? " said the Lory. 

Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk 
about her pet: "Dinah's our cat. And she's such a capital 
one for catching mice, you ca'n't think ! And oh, I wdsli you 
could see her after the birds ! Why, she'll eat a little bird 
as soon as look at it ! " 

This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the 
party. Some of the birds hurried off at once ; one old 
Magpie began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking 
*' I really must be getting home ; the night-air doesn't suit 
my throat ! " and a Canary called out in a trembling voice 
to its children " Come away, my dears ! It's high time you 
were all in bed ! " On various pretexts they all moved off, 
and Alice w^as sOon left alone. 

" I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah ! " she said to herself 
in a melancholy tone. " Nobody seems to like her, down 
here, and I'm sure she's the best cat in the world ! Oh, my 
dear Dinah ! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more ! " 
And here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very 
lonely and low-spirited. In a little while, however, she 
again heard a little pattering of footsteps in the distance, 
and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had 
changed his mind, and was coming back to finish his story. 



CHAPTER IV. 

THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 

It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and 
looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something ; 
and she heard it muttering to itself, " The Duchess ! The 
Duchess ! Oh my dear paws ! Oh my fur and whiskers ! She'll get 
me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets ! Where can I have 
dropped them, I wonder ? " Alice guessed in a moment that it 
was looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and 
she very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they 
were nowhere to be seen — everything seemed to have changed 
since her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass 
table and the little door, had vanished completely. 

Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting 
about, and called out to her in an angry tone, " Why, Mary Ann, 
what are you doing out here ? Run home this moment, and fetch 
me a pair of gloves and a fan ! Quick, now ! " And Alice was so 
much frightened that she ran off at once in the direction it 
pointed to, without trying to explain the mistake it had 
made. 

" He took me for his housemaid," she said to herself as she 
ran. *' How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am 1 
But I'd better take him his fan and gloves — that is, if I can find 



THE RABBIT SEI^DS IN A LITTLE BILL. 37 

them." As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on 
the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name 
W. RABBIT " engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, 
and hurried up stairs, in great fear lest she should meet the 
real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the house before she had 
found the fan and gloves. ^ 

"How queer it seems," Alice said to herself, "to be going 
messages for a rabbit ! I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on 
messages next ! " And she began fancying the sort of thing that 




would happen : " ' Miss Alice 1 Come here directly, and get 
ready for your walk ! ' ' Coming in a minute, nurse ! But I've 
got to watch this mouse-hole till Dinah comes back, and see 
that the mouse doesn't get out.' Only I don't think," Alice 
went on, " that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began 
ordering people about like that ! " 

By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room 
with a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan 
and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves : she took up 



38 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave 
the room, when her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near 
the looking-glass. There was no label this time with the words 
" DKINK ME," but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to 
her lips. " I know something interesting is sure to happen," 
she said to herself, ^' whenever I eat or drink anything ; so I'll 
just see what this bottle does. I do hope it'll make me grow 
large again, for really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny 
little thing ! " 

It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected : 
before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head 
pressing against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck 
from being broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying 
to herself " That's quite enough — I hope I sha'n't grow any 
more — As it is, I can't get out at the door — I do wish I hadn't 
drunk quite so much ! " 

Alas ! it was too late to wish that ! She went on growing, 
and growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor : in 
another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried 
the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and 
the other arm curled round her head. Still she went on grow- 
ing, and, as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, 
and one foot up the chimney, and said to herself " Now I can 
do no more, whatever happens. What will become of me ? " 

Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its 
full effect, and she grew no larger : still it was very uncomfort- 
able, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever 
getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy. 

" It was much pleasanter at home," thought poor Alice, 
" when one wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and 
being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish I 
hadn't gone down that rabbit-hole — and yet — and yet — it's 



THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 39 

rather curious, you know, this sort of life ! I do wonder what 
can have happened to me ! When I used to read fairy-tales, I 
fancied that kind of thing never happened, and now here I am 
in the middle of one ! There ought to be a book written about 
me, that there ought ! And when I grow up, I'll write one — 
but I'm grown up now," she added in a sorrowful tone ; "at 
least there's no room to grow up any more here.'' 

" But then,'' thought Alice, " shall I never get any older 
than I am now ? That'll be a comfort, one way — never to be 
an old woman — but then — always to have lessons to learn ! 
Oh, I shouldn't like that!" 

" Oh, you foolish Alice ! " she answered herself. " How can 
you learn lessons in here ? Why, there's hardly room for you, 
and no room at all for any lesson-books ! " 

And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other, 
and making quite a conversation of it altogether ; but after a 
few minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen. 

" Mary Ann ! Mary Ann ! " said the voice. " Fetch me 
my gloves this moment ! " Then came a little pattering of feet 
on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look 
for her, and she trembled till she shook the house, quite for- 
getting that she was now about a thousand times as large as 
the Rabbit, and had no reason to be afraid of it. 

Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to 
open it ; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow 
was pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. 
Alice heard it say to itself " Then I'll go round and get in at 
the window." 

" That you won't ! " thought Alice, and, after waiting till 
she fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she 
suddenly spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air. 
She did not get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek 



40 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONJ)ERLAND. 



and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she con- 
cluded that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber- 
frame, or something of the sort. 

Next came an angry voice — the Rabbit's — " Pat ! Pat ! 
Where are you ? " And then a voice she had never heard before, 
" Sure then I'm here ! Digging for apples, yer honour ! " 

" Digging for apples, indeed ! " said the Rabbit angrily. 

" Here I Come and help me 
out of this ! " (Sounds of more 
broken glass.) 

" Now tell me, Pat, what's 
that in the window ? " 

" Sure, it's an arm, yer 
honour ! " (He pronounced it 
" arrum.") 

" An arm, you goose ! Who 
ever saw one that size ? Why, 
it fills the whole window ! " 

" Sure, it does, yer honour : 
but it's an arm for all that." 

" Well, it's got no business 
there, at any rate : go and take 
it away ! " 
There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only 
hear whispers now and then ; such as, " Sure, I don't like it, 
yer honour, at all, at all ! " " Do as I tell you, you coward ! " 
and at last she spread out her hand again, and made another 
snatch in the air. This time there were two little shrieks, and 
more sounds of broken glass. " What a number of cucumber- 
frames there must be 1 " thought Alice. *' I wonder what they'll 
do next ! As for pulling me out of the window, I only wish 
they could ! I'm sure / don't want to stay in here any longer I " 




THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 



41 



She waited for some time without hearing anything more : 
at last came a rumbling of little cart-wheels, and the sound of 
a good many voices all talking together : she made out the 
words : " Where's the other ladder ? 
— Why I hadn't to bring but one ; 
Bill's got the other— Bill ! Fetch 
it here, lad ! — Here, put 'em up at 
this corner — No, tie 'em together 
first — they don't reach half high 
enough yet — Oh ! they'll do well 
enough ; don't be particular — Here, 
Bill ! catch hold of this rope — Will 
the roof bear? — Mind that loose 
slate — Oh, it's coming down ! Heads 
below ! " (a loud crash) — " Now, who 
did that ? — It was Bill, I fancy — 
Who's to go down the chimney ? 
—Nay, / sha'n't ! You do it !— 
That I won't, then ! Bill's to go 
down — Here, Bill I the master says 
you've to go down the chimney ! " 

"Oh! So Bill's got to come 
down the chimney, has he ? " said 
Alice to herself. " Why, they seem 
to put everything upon Bill ! I 
wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good 
deal : this fireplace is narrow, to be 
sure ; but I think I can kick a little ! '' 

She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she 
could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't 
guess of what sort it was) scratching and scrambling about 
in the chimney close above her : then, saying to herself " This 




43 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

is Bill," she gave one sharp kick, and waited to see what 
would happen next. 

The first things he heard was a general chorus of " There 
goes Bill ! " then the Rabbit's voice alone—" Catch him, 
you by the hedge ! " then silence, and then another confusion 
of voices — " Hold up his head — Brandy now — Don't choke 
him — How was it, old fellow? What happened to you? 
Tell us all about it ! " 

At last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (" That's Bill," 
thought Alice,) " Well, I hardly know — No more, thank ye ; 
I'm better now — but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you — 
all I know is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the box, 
and up I goes like a sky-rocket ! " 

" So you did, old fellow I " said the others. 

" We must burn the house down ! " said the Rabbit's voice. 
And Alice called out as loud as she could, " If you do, I'll set 
Dinah at you ! " 

There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to 
herself " I wonder what they will do next ! If they had any 
sense, they'd take the roof oiF." After a minute or two they 
began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say 
" A barrowful will do, to begin with." 

" A barrowful of tvhat f " thought Alice. But she had not 
long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles 
came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in 
the face. * " I'll put a stop to this," she said to herself, and 
shouted out " You'd better not do that again ! " which produced 
another dead silence. 

Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all 
turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright 
idea came into her head. *' If I eat one of these cakes," she 
thought, " it's sure to make some change in my size ; and, as it 



THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 43 

can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I 
suppose." 

So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find 
that she began shrinking directly. As soon as she was small 
enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and 
found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting 
outside. The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, 
being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were giving it 
something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice 
the moment she appeared ; but she ran off as hard as she 
could, and soon found herself safe in a thick wood. 

*' The first thing I've got to do," said Alice to herself, as 
she wandered about in the wood, "is to grow to my right 
size again ; and the second thing is to find my w^ay into that 
lovely garden. I think that will be the best plan." 

It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and 
simply arranged ; the only difficulty was, that she had not the 
smallest idea how to set about it ; and, while she was peering 
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just 
over her head made her look up in a great hurry. 

An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large 
round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch 
her. " Poor little thing ! " said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and 
she tried hard to whistle to it ; but she was terribly frightened 
all the time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which 
case it would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her 
coaxing. 

Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of 
stick, and held it out to the puppy ; whereupon the puppy 
jumped into the air off" all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight, 
and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it ; then 
Alice dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being 



44 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

run over ; and, the moment she appeared on the other side, 
the puppy made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head 
over heels in its hurry to get hold of it ; then Alice, thinking 
it was very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and 
expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet, ran 




round the thistle again ; then the puppy began a series of short 
charges at the stick, running a very little w^ay forwards each 
time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, 
till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with its tongue 
hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut. 



THE RABBIT SENDS IN A LITTLE BILL. 45 

This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making lier 
escape ; so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired 
and out of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite 
faint in the distance. 

" And yet what a dear little puppy it was ! " said Alice, as 
she leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself 
with one of the leaves. " I should have liked teaching it tricks 
very much, if — if I'd only been the right size to do it ! Oh, 
dear ! I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again ! 
Let me see — how is it to be managed ? I suppose I ought to 
eat or drink something or other ; but ' the great question is, 
what ? " 

The great question certainly w^as, what ? Alice looked all 
round her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but slie could 
not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink 
under the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing 
near her, about the same height as herself ; and, when she had 
looked under it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it 
occurred to her that she might as well look and see what was 
on the top of it. 

She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the 
edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of 
a large blue caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its 
arms folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not 
the smallest notice of her or of anything else. 



CHAPTER V. 

ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some 
time in silence : at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out 
of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice. 

" Who are you ? " said the Caterpillar. 

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. 
Alice replied, rather shyly, '' I — I hardly know, sir, just at 
present — at least I know who I was when 1 got up this 
morning, but I think I must have been changed several 
times since then." 

" What do you mean by that ? " said the Caterpillar sternly. 
" Explain yourself ! " 

*' I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir," said Alice, 
"because I'm not myself, you see." 

" I don't see," said the Caterpillar. 

" I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly," Alice replied 
very politely, *' for I can't understand it myself to begin 
with ; and being so many different sizes in a day is very 
confusing." 

"It isn't," said the Caterpillar. 

" Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet," said Alice 



ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 47 

" but when you have to turn into a chrysalis — you will some 
day, you know— and then after that into a butterfly, I should 
think you'll feel it a little queer, won't you ? " 

" Not a bit," said the Caterpillar. 

" Well, perhaps your feelings may be different," said Alice ; 
"all I know is, it would feel very queer to me." 

" You ! " said the Caterpillar contemptuously. *' Who 
are you ? " 

Which brought them back again to the beginning of the 
conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillars 
making such very short remarks, and she drew herself up and 
said, very gravely, " I think you ought to tell me who you 
are, first." 

" Why ? " said the Caterpillar. 

Here was another puzzling question ; and as Alice could not 
think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be 
in a very unpleasant state of mind, she turned away. 

" Come back ! " the Caterpillar called after her. " I've 
something important to say ! " 

This sounded promising, certainly : Alice turned and came 
back again. 

" Keep your temper," said the Caterpillar. 

" Is that all ? " said Alice, swallowing down her anger as 
well as she could. 

" No," said the Caterpillar. 

Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing 
else to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth 
hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, 
but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its 
mouth again, and said " So you think you're changed, do 
you ? " 

" I'm afraid I am, sir," said Alice ; " I can't remember things 



48 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



as I used — and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes 
together ! " 

" Can't remember ivhat things ? " said the Caterpillar. 




" Well, I've tried to say ' How doth the little busy hee,' but 
it all came different 1 " Alice replied in a very melancholy 
voice. 

*' Eepeat ' You are old, Father William^ " said the 
Caterpillar. 

Alice folded her hands, and began : — 



ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAK. 



49 




" You are old, Father Williavi" the young nian 
said, 

" And your hair has become very ivhite ; 
And yet you incessantly stand on your head — 

Bo you think, at your age, it is right?" 



" In my youth," Father William replied to his 
son, 

" / feared it might injure the brain ; 
But, now that Fm perfectly sure I have none, 

Why, I do it again and again." 



50 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 




'* You are old," said the youth, " as I vientioned 
before. 

And have grown most uncommonly fat; 
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door — 

Pray, what is the reason of that ? " 



" In my youth,' ' said the sage, as he shook his grey 
locks, 

"/ kept all my limbs very supple 
By the use of this ointment — one shilling the box — 

Allow me to sell you a couple?" 



ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 



61 




" Yon are old" said the youth, "and yov/r jaws are 
too weak 
For anything tougher than suet; 
Yet you finished the goose, with the hones and tJie 
beak — 
Pray, how did you manage to do it ? " 



" In my youth," said his father, " / took to the law, 
And argued each case with viy wife ; 

And the muscular strength, which it gave to my 
jaw, 
Has lasted the rest of my life." 



52 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



" Kou are old" said the youth, " one would hardly 
suppose 

That your eye was as steady as ever ; 
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose — 

What made you so awfully clever?" 



" / have answered three questions, and that is 
enough," 

Said his father ; " don't give yourself airs ! 
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? 

Be off J or I'll kick you down stairs!" 



ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 53 

" That is not said right," said the Caterpillar. 

" Not quite right, I'm afraid," said Alice, timidly ; " some 
of the words have got altered." 

"It is wrong from beginning to end," said the Caterpillar 
decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes. 

The Caterpillar was the first to speak. 

" AVTiat size do you want to be ? " it asked. 

" Oh, I'm not particular as to size," Alice hastily replied ; 
"only one doesn't like changing so often, you know." 

" I don't know," said the Caterpillar. 

Alice said nothing : she had never been so much contra- 
dicted in all her life before, and she felt that she was losing 
her temper. 

" Are you content now ? " said the Caterpillar. 

" Well, I should like to be a little larger, sir, if you wouldn't 
mind," said Alice : " three inches is such a wretched height 
to be.'"' 

"It is a very good height indeed ! " said the Caterpillar 
angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three 
inches high). 

" But I'm not used to it ! " pleaded poor Alice in a piteous 
tone. And she thought to herself, " I wish the creatures 
wouldn't be so easily offended ! " 

" You'll get used to it in time," said the Caterpillar ; and it 
put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again. 

This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak 
again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah 
out of its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself 
Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled away into 
the grass, merely remarking as it went, " One side will make 
you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow 
shorter." 



54 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

'* One side of what? The other side of what?'' thousrht 
Alice to herself. 

** Of the mushroom," said the Caterpillar, just as if she had 
asked it aloud ; and in another moment it was out of sight. 

Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a 
minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it ; 
and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult 
question. However, at last she stretched her arms round it as 
far as they would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with 
each hand. 

"And now which is which?" she said to herself, and 
nibbled a little of the right-hand bit to try the effect : the next 
moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin : it had 
struck her foot ! 

She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, 
but she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was 
shrinking rapidly ; so she set to work at once to eat some of 
the other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely against her 
foot, that there was hardly room to open her mouth ; but she 
did it at last, and managed to swallow a morsel of the left- 
hand bit. 



" Come, my head's free at last ! " said Alice in a tone of 
delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when 
she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found : all 
she could see, when she looked down, was an immense length 
of neck, which seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green 
leaves that lay far below her. 

" What can all that green stuff be ? " said Alice. " And 
where have my shoulders got to ? And oh, my poor hands, 



ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 55 

how is it I ca'n't see you ? " She was moving them about as 
she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a little 
shaking among the distant green leaves. 

As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up 
to her head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was 
delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any 
direction, like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it 
down into a graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among 
the leaves, which she found to be nothing but the tops of the 
trees under which she had been wandering, when a sharp hiss 
made her draw back in a hurry : a large pigeon had flown into 
her face, and was beating her violently with its wings. 

" Serpent ! " screamed the Pigeon. 

" Tm not a, serpent!" said Alice indignantly. "Let me 
alone!" 

" Serpent, I say again ! " repeated the Pigeon, but in a 
more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, " I've tried 
every way, and nothing seems to suit them ! " 

" I haven't the least idea what you're talking about," said 
Alice. 

" Tve tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and 
IVe tried hedges," the Pigeon went on, without attending 
to her ; " but those serpents ! There's no pleasing them ! " 

Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there 
was no use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had 
finished. 

" As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs," said 
the Pigeon ; " but I must be on the look-out for serpents 
night and day ! Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these 
three weeks ! " 

" I'm very sorry you've been annoyed," said Alice, who 
was beginning to see its meaning. 



56 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" And just as Fd taken the highest tree in the wood," 
continued the Pigeon, raising its ¥oice to a shriek, "and 
just as I was thinking I should be free of them at last, 
they must needs come wriggling down from the sky ! Ugh, 
Serpent ! " 

*' But I'm not a serpent, I tell you ! " said Alice. " I'm 
a I'm a " 

" Well ! What are you ? " said the Pigeon. " I can see 
you're trying to invent something 1 " 

" I — I'm a little girl," said Alice, rather doubtfully, as 
she remembered the number of changes she had gone through, 
that day. 

" A likely story indeed ! " said the Pigeon in a tone of 
the deepest contempt. " I've seen a good many little girls 
in my time, but never one with such a neck as that ! No, 
no ! You're a serpent ; and there's no use denying it. I 
suppose you'll be telling me next that you never tasted 
an egg ! " 

" I Jiave tasted eggs, certainly," said Alice, who was a very 
truthful child ; " but little girls eat eggs quite as much as 
serpents do, you know." 

" I don't believe it," said the Pigeon ; " but if they do, why^ 
then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say." 

This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite 
silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the 
opportunity of adding " You're looking for eggs, I know that 
well enough ; and what does it matter to me whether you're 
a little girl or a serpent ? " 

" It matters a good deal to m^," said Alice hastily ; " but 
I'm not looking for eggs, as it happens ; and if I was, I 
shouldn't want yours: I dosa't like them raw." 

" Well, be off, then ! " said the Pigeon in a sulky tone. 



ADVICE FROM A CATERPILLAR. 57 

as it settled down again into its nest. Alice crouched down 
among the trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting 
entangled among the branches, and every now and then she 
had to stop and untwist it. After a while she remembered 
that she still held the pieces of mushroom in her hands, 
and she set to w^ork very carefully, nibbling first at one and 
then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes 
shorter, until she had succeeded in bringing herself down to 
her usual height. 

It was so long since she had been anything near the 
right size, that it felt quite strange at first ; but she got used 
to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. 
'* Gome, there's half my plan done now ! How puzzling all 
these changes are ! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, 
from one minute to another ! However, I've got back to 
my right size : the next thing is, to get into that beautiful 
garden — how is that to be done, I wonder ? " As she said 
this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little 
house in it about four feet high. " Whoever lives there," 
thought Alice, " it'll never do to come upon them this size : 
why, I should frighten them out of their wits ! " So she 
began nibbling at the right-hand bit again, and did not 
venture to go near the house till she had brought herself 
down to nine inches high. 



CHAPTER VL 

PIG AND PEPPER. 

For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and 
wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in 
livery came running out of the wood — (she considered him 
to be a footman because he was in livery : otherwise, judging 
by his face only, she would have called him a fish) — and 
rapped loudly at the door with his knuckles. It was opened 
by another footman in livery, with a round face and large 
eyes like a frog ; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had 
powdered hair that curled all over their heads. She felt 
very curious to know what it was all about, and crept a 
little way out of the wood to listen. 

The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his 
arm a great letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he 
handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn tone, " For 
the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play 
croquet." The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn 
tone, only changing the order of the words a little, '' From 
the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet." 

Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled 
together. 

Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back 



PIG AND PEPPER. 59 

into the wood for fear of their hearing her ; and, when she 
next peeped out, the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other 
was sitting on the ground near the door, staring stupidly 
up into the sky. 

Alice went timidly up to' the door and knocked. 

" There's no sort of use in knocking," said the Footman, 
"and that for two reasons. First, because I'm on the same 
side of the door as you are ; secondly, because they're making 
such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you." And 
certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on 
within — a constant howling and sneezing, and every now 
and then a great crash, as if a dish or kettle had been 
broken to pieces. 

" Please, then," said Alice, " how am I to get in ? " 

" There might be some sense in your knocking," the 
Footman went on without attending to her, "if we had the 
door between us. For instance, if you were inside, you 
might knock, and I could let you out, you know." He was 
looking up into the sky all the time he was speaking, and 
this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. " But perhaps he can't 
help it," she said to herself; "his eyes are so very nearly 
at the top of his head. But at any rate he might answer 
questions. — How am I to get in ? " she repeated, aloud. 

" I shall sit here," the Footman remarked, " till to- 
morrow- 

At this moment the door of the house opened, and a 
large plate came skimming out, straight at the Footman's 
head : it just grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against 
one of the trees behind him. 

" or next day, maybe," the Footman continued in 

the same tone, exactly as if nothing had happened. 

" How am I to get in ? " asked Alice again in a louder tone. 



60 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



''Are you to get in at all ? " said the Footman. " That's 
the first question, you know." 

It was, no doubt : only Alice did not like to be told so. 
" It's really dreadful," she muttered to herself, " the way all 
the creatures argue. It's enough to drive one crazy ! " 

The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for 




repeating his remark, with variations. "I shall sit here," he 
said, " on and off, for days and days." 

" But what am /to do ? " said Alice. 

" Anything you like," said the Footman, and began 
whistling. 

'VOh, there's no use in talking to him," said Alice 



PIG AND PEPPER. 61 

desperately: "he's perfectly idiotic!" And she opened the 
door and went in. 

The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of 
gmoke from one end to the other : the Duchess was sitting on 
a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby ; the cook 
was leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which 
seemed to be full of soup. 




" There's certainly too much pepper in that soup ! " Alice 
said to herself, as well as she could for sneezing. 

There was certainly too much of it in the air. Even the 
Duchess sneezed occasionally ; and the baby was sneezing 
and howling alternately without a moment's pause. The 
only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, 
and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning 
from ear to ear. 

" Please would you tell me," said Alice a little timidly, 



62 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for 
her to speak first, " why your cat grins like that ? " 

" It's a Cheshire cat," said the Duchess, " and that's why. 

Pi<T ! " 

She said the last word with such sudden violence that 
Alice quite jumped ; but she saw in another moment that 
it was addressed to the baby, and not to her, so she took 
courage, and went on again : — 

" I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned ; in 
fact, I didn't know that cats could grin." 

" They all can," said the Duchess ; " and most of 'em do." 

" I don't know of any that do," Alice said very politely, 
feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation. 

" You don't know much," said the Duchess ; '' and that's 
a fact." 

Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and 
thought it would be as well to introduce some other subject 
of conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook 
took the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work 
throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and 
the baby — the fire-irons came first ; then followed a shower 
of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice 
of them even when they hit her ; and the baby was howling 
so much already, that it was quite impossible to say whether 
the blows hurt it or not. 

'' Oh, please mind what you're doing ! " cried Alice, 
jumping up and down in an agony of terror. " Oh, there 
goes his precious nose ; " as an unusually large saucepan 
flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off. 

''If everybody minded their own business," the Duchess 
said in a hoarse growl, " the world would go round a deal 
faster than it does." 



PIG AND PEPPER. 63 

" Which would 7iot be an advantage," said Alice, who 
felt very glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little 
of her knowledge. " Just think what work it would make 
with the day and night ! You see the earth takes twenty- 
four hours to turn round on its axis " 

" Talking of axes," said the Duchess, " chop off her head." 

Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to .see if she 
meant to take the hint ; but the cook was busily engaged 
in stirring the soup, and did not seem to be listening, so 
she ventured to go on again: "Twenty-four hours, I think; 
or is it twelve ? I " 

"Oh, don't bother me," said the Duchess ; "I never 
could abide figures ! " And with that she began nursing her 
child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, 
and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line : 

"Speak roughly to your little hoy, 
And heat him when he sneezes: 
He only does it to annoy y 
Because he knows it teases." 

Chorus. 

(In which the cook and the baby joined) : — 

" Wow ! wow ! wow ! " 

While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, 
she kept tossing the baby violently up and down, and the 
poor little thing howled so, that Alice could hardly hear 
the words : — 

"/ sjpeak severely to my hoy, 

I heat him, when he sneezes; 
. For he can thoroughly enjoy 
The 'pepper when he pleases I " 

Chorus. 
" Wow ! wow ! wow ! '* 



64 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



*' Here ! you may nurse it a bit, if you like ! " the 
Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke. 
" I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen," 
and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying- 
pan after her as she went out, but it just missed her. 

Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a 
queer-shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs 
in all directions, "just like a star-fish," thought Alice. The 

poor little thing was snorting 
like a steam-engine when she 
caught it, and kept doubling 
itself up and straightening it- 
self out again, so that alto- 
gether, for the first minute or 
two, it was as much as she 
could do to hold it. 

As soon as she had made 
out the proper way of nursing 
it, (which was to twist it up 
into a sort of knot, and then 
keep tight hold of its right 
ear and left foot, so as to pre- 
vent its undoing itself,) she 
carried it out into the open air. 
"If I don't take this child away with me," thought Alice, 
" they're sure to kill it in a day or two : wouldn't it be 
murder to leave it behind ? " She said the last words out 
loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it had left off 
sneezing by this time). " Don't grunt," said Alice ; '' that's 
not at all a proper way of expressing yourself." 

The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously 
into its face to see what was the matter with it. There could 




PIG AND PEPPER. 



65 



ho no doubt that it had a vei^y turn-up nose, much more like 
a snout than a real nose ; also its eyes were getting extremely 
small for a baby : altogether Alice did not like the look oi 

the thing 
at all. 
"But per- 
haps it was 
only sob- 
bing," she 
thought, 
and look- 
ed into its 
eyes a- 
gain, to 
see if 
there were any tears. 

No, there were no tears. " If 
you're going to turn into a pig, my 
dear," said Alice, seriously, " I'll have 
nothing more to do with you. Mind 
now ! " The poor little thing sobbed 
again (or grunted, it was impossible 
to say which), and they went on for 
some while in silence. 

Alice was just beginning to think 
to herself, " Now, what am I to do 
with this creature when I get it 
home ? " when it grunted again, so 
violently, that she looked down into its face in some alarm. This 
time there could be no mistake about it : it was neither mora 
nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be quite absurd 
for her to carry it any further. 




66 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to 
S3e it trot quietly away into the wood. *' If it had grown up," 
she said to herself, "it would have made a dreadfully ugly child : 
but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think." And she began 
thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as 
pigs, and was just saying to herself, " if one only knew the right 

way to change them " when she was a little startled by seeing 

the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off. 

The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice. It looked good- 
natured, she thought : still it had very long claws and a great 
many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect. 

" Cheshire Puss," she began, rather timidly, as she did 
not at all know whether it would like the name : however, 
it only grinned a little wider. " Come, it's pleased so far," 
thought Alice, and she went on. " Would you tell me, please, 
which way I ought to go from here ? " 

" That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," 
said the Cat. 

" I don't much care where " said Alice. 

" Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat. 

" so long as I get somewhere,'' Alice added as an 

explanation. 

'* Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, " if you only 
walk long enough." 

Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried 
another question. "What sort of people live about here? " 

" In that direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, 
" lives a Hatter : and in that direction," waving the other paw, 
" lives a March Hare. Visit either you like : they're both mad." 

" But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. 

"Oh, you ca'n't help that," said the Cat : " we're all mad 
here. I'm mad. You're mad." 



PIG AND PEPPER. 67 

" How do you know I'm mad ? " said Alice. 

''You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have 
come here." 

Alice didn't think that proved it at all ; however, she 
went on. " And how do you know that you're mad ? " 

" To begin with," said the Cat, " a dog's not mad. You 
grant that ? " 

" I suppose so," said Alice. 

" Well, then," the Cat went on, " you see a dog growls 
when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now 1 
grow^l when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. 
Therefore I'm mad." 

" / call it purring, not growling," said Alice. 

" Call it what you like," said the Cat. " Do you play 
croquet with the Queen to-day ? " 

" I should like it very much," said Alice, *' but I haven't 
been invited yet." 

" You'll see me there," said the Cat, and vanished. 

Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting 
so used to queer things happening. While she was looking 
at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared 
again. 

" By-the-bye, what became of the baby ? " said the Cat. 
" I'd nearly forgotten to ask." 

" It turned into a pig," Alice quietly said, just as if it had 
come back in a natural way. 

" I thought it would," said the Cat, and vanished again. 

Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it 
did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the 
direction in which the March Hare was said to live. '' I've 
seen hatters before," she said to herself ; " the March Hare 
will be much the most interesting, and perhaps, as this is May, 



68 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



it won't be raving mad — at least not so mad as it was in 

March." As she said this, she looked up, and there was the 

Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree. 

" Did you say pig, or fig ? " said the Cat. 

" I said pig," replied Alice ; " and I wish you wouldn't keep 

appearing and vanishing so suddenly: you make one quite giddy." 

" All right," said the Cat ; and this time it vanished quite 

slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with 

the grin, 
-^^^^^..^^^^ which re- 

mained 
some time 
after the 
rest -of it 
had gone. 
" Well ! 
I've often 
seen a cat 
with out 
a grin," 
thought 
Alice , " but a grin without a cat ! It's the most curious thing 
I ever saw in all my life." 

She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of 
the house of the March Hare : she thought it must be the 
right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and 
the roof was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that 
she did not like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more 
of the left-hand bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about 
two feet high : even then she walked up towards it rather 
timidly, saying to herself " Suppose it should be raving mad 
after all ! I almost wish I'd gone to see the Hatter instead ! " 




CHAPTER VII. 

A MAD TEA-PARTY. 

There was a table set out under a tree in front of the 
house, and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at 
it : a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the 
other two were using it as a cushion resting their elbows on 
it, and talking over its head. " Very uncomfortable for the 
Dormouse," thought Alice ; " only, as it's asleep, I suppose it 
doesn't mind." 

The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded 
together at one corner of it. " No room ! No room ! " they 
cried out when they saw Alice coming. " There's plenty of 
room ! " said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large 
armchair at one end of the table. 

" Have some wine," the March Hare said in an encouraging 
tone. 

Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on 
it but tea. " I don't see any wine," she remarked. 

" There isn't any," said the March Hare. 

" Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it," said Alice 
angrily. 

" It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being 
invited," said the March Hare. 

" I didn't know it was your table," said Alice ; " it's laid 
for a great many more than three." 



70 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 

" Your hair wants cutting," said the Hatter. He had been 
looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this 
was his first speech. 

"You should learn not to make personal remarks," Alice 
said with some severity ; " it's very rude." 

The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this ; but 
all he said was "Why is a raven like a writing-desk?*' 

" Come, we shall have some fun now ! " thought Alice. 
"I'm glad they've begun asking riddles. — I believe I can guess 
that," she added aloud. 

" Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer 
to it?" said the March Hare. 

" Exactly so," said Alice. 

" Then you should say what you mean," the March Hare 
went on. 

" I do," Alice hastily replied ; " at least — at least I mean 
what I say — that's the same thing, you know." 

" Not the same thing a bit ! " said the Hatter. " Why, 
you might just as well say that ' I see what I eat ' is the same 
thing as ' I eat what I see ' ! " 

" You might just as well say," added the March Hare, 
" that ' I like what I get ' is the same thing as ' I get what I 
like'!" 

" You might just as well say," added the Dormouse, which 
seemed to be talking in his ^sleep, " that ' I breathe when I 
sleep ' is the same thing as ' I sleep when I breathe ' ! " 

" It is the same thing with you," said the Hatter ; and here 
the conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a 
minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember 
about ravens and writing-desks, which wasn't much. 

The Hatter was the first to break the silence. " What day 
of the month is it ? " he said, turning to Alice : he had taken 



A MAD TEA-PARTY. 71 

his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, 
shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear. 

Alice considered a little, and then said " The fourth." 

" Two days wrong ! " sighed the Hatter. " I told you 
butter wouldn't suit the works ! " he added, looking angrily at 
the March Hare. 

" It was the best butter," the March Hare meekly 
replied. 

" Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well," 
the Hatter grumbled : " you shouldn't have put it in with the 
bread-knife." 

The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily : 
then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again : 
but he could think of nothing better to say than his first 
remark, " It was the best butter, you know." 

Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some 
curiosity. " What a funny watch ! " she remarked. " It tells 
the day of the month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it 
is ! " 

" Why should it ? " muttered the Hatter. " Does your 
watch tell you what year it is ? " 

" Of course not," Alice replied very readily : " but that's 
because it stays the same year for such a long time 
together." 

" Which is just the case with mine" said the Hatter. 

Alice felt dreadfully puzzled. The Hatter's remark seemed 
to have no meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English. 
" I don't quite understand," she said, as politely as she 
could. 

*' The Dormouse is asleep again," said the Hatter, and he 
poured a little hot tea upon its nose. 

The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, with- 



72 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES I^: WONDERLAND. 



out opening its eyes, " Of course, of course ; just what I was 
going to remark myself" 

" Have you guessed the riddle yet ? " the Hatter said, turning 
to Alice again. 

" No, I give it up," Alice replied : " what's the answer ? " 

" I haven't the slightest idea, " said the hatter. 

"Nor I," said the March Hare. 

Alice sighed wearily. " I think you might do something 




better with the time, " she said, " than waste it asking riddles 
with no answers." 

'' If you knew Time as well as I do," said the Hatter, " you 
wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's him.'' 

" I don't know what you mean," said Alice. 

" Of course you don't !" the Hatter said tossing his head 
contemptuously. " I dare say you never even spoke to Time ! " 

"Perhaps not," Alice cautiously replied: "but I know I 
have to beat time when I learn music." 

" Ah ! that accounts for it." said the Hatter. " He won't 



A MAD TEA-PARTY. 



73 




t^^TT^fS^^^- 



stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, 
he'd do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, 
suppose it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin 
lessons : you'd only have to 
whisper a hint to Time, and 
round goes the clock in a 
twinkling ! Half-past one, time 
for dinner ! " 

("I only wish it was," the 
March Hare said to itself in a 
whisper.) 

" That would be grand, cer- 
tainly," said Alice thoughtfully : 
" but then — I shouldn't be hun- 
gry for it, you know. " 

" Not at first, perhaps, " said the Hatter : " but you could 
keep it to half-past one as long as you liked." 

" Is that the way you manage ? " Alice asked. 

The Hatter shook his head mournfully. " Not I ! " he re- 
plied. " We quarrelled last March just before lie went 

mad, you know " (pointing with his teaspoon at the March 

Hare,) *' it was at the great concert given by the Queen 

of Hearts, and I had to sing 

' Twinkle, twinkle, little bat ! 
How I wonder what you We at ! ' 

You know the song, perhaps ? " 

" I've heard something like it," said Alice. 

" It goes on, you know," the Hatter continued, ''in tliis 

way : — 

' Up above the world you fly, 
Like a tea-tray in the sky. 

Twinkle, twinkle ' 



74 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in 

its sleep " Twinkle, twinkle, tivinkle, Uvinkle " and went 

on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop. 

*' Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse," said the Hatter, 
** when the Queen jumped up and bawled out ' He's murdering 
the time ! Ofi" with his head ! ' " 

" How dreadfully savage ! " exclaimed Alice. 

'' And ever since that," the Hatter went on in a mournful 
tone, " he won't do a thing I ask ! It's always six o'clock 
now." 

A bright idea came into Alice's head. " Is that the 
reason so many tea-things are put out here ? " she asked. 

" Yes, that's it," said the Hatter with a sigh : " it's always 
tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between 
whiles." 

" Then you keep moving round, I suppose ? " said Alice. 

'' Exactly so," said the Hatter ^ " as the things get used 
up." 

" But what happens when you come to the beginning 
again ? " Alice ventured to ask. 

" Suppose we change the subject," the March Hare 
interrupted, yawning. " I'm getting tired of this. I vote 
the young lady tells us a story." 

" I'm afraid I don't know one," said Alice, rather alarmed 
at the proposal. 

" Then the Dormouse shall 1 " they both cried. " Wake 
up. Dormouse ! " And they pinched it on both sides at 
once. 

The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes. " I wasn't asleep," 
he said in a hoarse, feeble voice : " I heard every word you 
fellows were saying." 

" Tell us a story ! " said the March Hare. 



A MAD TEA-PARTY. 75 

"Yes, please do !" pleaded Alice. 

" And be quick about it," added the Hatter, " or you'll 
be asleep again before it's done." 

" Once upon a time there were three little sisters," the 
Dormouse began in a great hurry; "and their names were 
Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie ; and they lived at the bottom of 
a well " 

" What did they live on ? " said Alice, who always took 
a great interest in questions of eating and drinking. 

"They lived on treacle," said the Dormouse, after 
thinking a minute or two. 

" They couldn't have done that, you know," Alice gently 
remarked ; " they'd have been ill." 

" So they were," said the Dormouse ; ''very ill." 

Alice tried a little to fancy to herself what such an extraordin- 
ary way of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so 
she went on : "But why did they live at the bottom of a well ? " 

"Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice, 
very earnestly. 

" Fve had nothing yet," Alice replied in an offended 
tone, "so I can't take more." 

**' You mean you can't take less" said the Hatter : " it's 
very easy to take more than nothing." 

" Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice. 

" Who's making personal remarks now ? " the Hatter 
asked triumphantly. 

Alice did not quite know what to say to this : so she 
helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then 
turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question. " Why 
did they live at the bottom of a well ? " 

The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about 
it, and then said " It was a treacle-well." 



76 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IK WONDERLAND. 

" There's no such thing ! " Alice was beginning very 
angrily, but the Hatter and the March Hare went " Sh ! 
sh ! " and the Dormouse sulkily remarked " If you can't be 
civil, you'd better finish the story for yourself." 

" No, please go on ! " Alice said very humbly. *' I won t 
interrupt you again. I dare say there may be one " 

" One, indeed ! " said the Dormouse indignantly. However, 
he consented to go on. " And so these three little sisters — 
they were learning to draw, you know " 

" What did they draw ? " said Alice, quite forgetting her 
promise. 

"Treacle," said the Dormouse, without considering at all 
this time. 

" I want a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter : " let's all 
move one place on." 

He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him : 
the March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice 
rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The 
Hatter was the only one who got any advantage from the 
change : and Alice was a good deal worse off than before, as 
the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into his plate. 

Alice did not wish to ofiend the Dormouse again, so she 
began very cautiously : " But I don't understand. Where did 
they draw the treacle from ? " 

" You can draw water out of a water- well," said the Hatter ; 
*' so I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle- 
well — eh, stupid ? " 

" But they were in the well," Alice said to the Dormouse, 
not choosing to notice this last remark. 

" Of course they were," said the Dormouse ; " well in." 

This answer so confused poor Alice-, that she let the 
Dormouse go on for some time without interrupting it. 



A MAD TEA-PARTY. 



77 



"They were learning to draw," the Dormouse went on, 
yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy : 
" and they drew all manner of things — everything that begins 
with an M " 

"Why with an M?" said Alice. 

"Why not?" said the March Hare. 

Alice was silent. 

The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was 
going off into a doze ; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, 




it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on : " that 

begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and 
memory, and muchness — you know you say things are * much 
of a muchness ' — did you ever see such a thing as a drawing 
of a muchness ? " 

" Really, now you ask me," said Alice, very much confused, 
" I. don't think " 

" Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter. 

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear : 
she fljot up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse 



78 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others took the least 
notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, 
half hoping that they would call after her : the last time she 
saw them, they were trying to put the Dormouse into the 
teapot. 

*' At any rate I'll never go there again ! " said Alice as 
she picked her way through the wood. '' It's the stupidest 
tea-party I ever was at in all my life ! " 

Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had 
a door leading right into it. " That's very curious ! " she 
thought. " But everything's curious to-day. I think I may 
as well go in at once." And in she went. 

Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close 
to the little glass table. *' Now, I'll manage better this time," 
she said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, 
and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she 
set to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece 
of it in her pocket) till she was about a foot high : then she 
walked down the little passage : and then — she found herself 
at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds 
and the cool fountains. 



CHAPTER YIIL 

THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 

A LARGE rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden : the 
roses grovA^ng on it were white, but there were three gardeners 
at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this a very 
curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as 
she came up to them she heard one of them say " Look out 
now. Five ! Don't go splashing paint over me like that ! " 

" I couldn't help it," said Five, in a sulky tone. " Seven 
jogged my elbow." 

On which Seven looked up and said " That's right, Five ! 
Always lay the blame on others ! " 

" You'd better not talk ! " said Five. " I heard the Queen 
say only yesterday you deserved to be beheaded ! " 

" What for ? " said the one who had first spoken. 

" That's none of you?' business, Two ! " said Seven. 

"Yes, it is his business!" said Five. "And I'll tell 
him — it was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of 
onions." 

Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun "Well, 

of all the unjust things " when his eye chanced to fall 

upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked 
himself suddenly : the others looked round also, and all of 
them bowed low. 



80 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



" Would you tell me," said Alice, a little timidly, " why 
you are painting those roses ? " 

Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two 
began in a low voice, " Why, the fact is, you see, Miss, this 
here ought to have been a red rose-tree, and we put a white 
one in by mistake ; and if the Queen was to find it out, we 
should all have our heads cut off, you know. So you see, 

Miss, we're doing our best, 




afore she comes, to- 



At 



this moment, Five, who had 
been anxiously looking across 
the garden, called out " The 
Queen ! The Queen ! " and 
the three gardeners instantly 
threw themselves flat upon 
their faces. There was a 
sound of many footsteps, and 
Alice looked round, eager to 
see the Queen. 

First came ten soldiers 
carrying clubs ; these were 
all shaped like the three gar- 
deners, oblong and flat, wdth 
their hands and feet at the corners : next the ten courtiers ; these 
were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and 
two, as the soldiers did. After these came the royal children ; 
there were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping 
merrily along hand in hand, in couples ; they were all orna- 
mented with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings 
and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White 
Eabbit : it was talking in a hurried, nervous manner, smiling 
at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her. 



THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 



81 



Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown 
on a crimson velvet cushion ; and, last of all this grand 
procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS. 
Alice was rather doubtful whetljer she ought not to lie 
down on her face like the three gardeners, but she could not 




remember . ever having heard of such a rule at processions ; 
" and besides, what would be the use of a procession," thought 
she, " if people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that 
they couldn't see it ? " So she stood still where she was, and 
waited. 



82 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all 
stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely, " Who 
is this ? " She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed 
and smiled in reply. 

" Idiot ! " said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently ; 
and, turning to Alice, she went on, " What's your name, 
child ? " 

"My name is Alice, so please your Majesty," said Alice 
very politely ; but she added, to herself, " Why, they're only 
a pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them ! " 

''And who are these f said the Queen, pointing to the 
three gardeners who were lying round the rose-tree ; for, 
you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern 
on their backs was the same as the rest of the pack, she 
could not tell whether they were gardeners, or soldiers, or 
courtiers, or three of her own children. 

" How should / know ? " said Alice, surprised at her own 
courage. " It's no business of mine J' 

The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring 
at her for a moment like a wild beast, screamed " Off with 
her head ! Off " 

" Nonsense ! " said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and 
the Queen was silent. 

The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 
" Consider, my dear : she is only a child ! " 

The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to 
the Knave "Turn them over!" 

The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot. 

" Get up ! " said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and 
the three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing 
to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody 
else. 



THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 83 

" Leave off that 1 " screamed the Queen. " You make 
me giddy." And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went 
on, " What have you been doing here ? " 

" May it please your Majesty," said Two, in a very 
humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, " we were 
trying " 

" / see ! " said the Queen, who had meanwhile been 
examining the roses. " Off with their heads ! " and the 
procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind 
to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for 
protection 

" You sha'n't be beheaded ! " said Alice, and she put 
them into a large flower-pot that stood near. The three 
soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for 
them, and then quietly marched off after the others. 

"Are their heads off?" shouted the Queen. 

" Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty ! " the 
soldiers shouted in reply. 

" That's right ! " shouted the Queen. " Can you play 
croquet ? " 

The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the 
question was evidently meant for her. 

'^Yes!" shouted Alice. 

" Come on, then ! " roared the Queen, and Alice joined 
the procession, wondering very much what would happen 
next. 

" It's — it's a very fine day ! " said a timid voice at her 
side. She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was 
peeping anxiously into her face. 

" Very," said Alice : " where's the Duchess ? " 

" Hush ! Hush ! " said the Rabbit in a low hufried tone. 
He looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then 



84 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, 
and whispered " She's under sentence of execution." 
"What for?" said Alice. 

''Did you say 'What a pity!'?" the Babbit asked. 
" No, I didn't," said Alice : " I don't think it's at all a 
pity. I said ' What for ? ' " 

" She boxed the Queen's ears — " the Eabbit began. 
Alice gave a little scream of laughter. " Oh, hush ! " 
the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. " The Queen 

will hear you ! You see she 
came rather late, and the Queen 

said " 

" Get , to your places ! " 

shouted the Queen in a voice 

of thunder, and people began 

running about in all directions, 

tumbling up against each other ; 

however, they got settled down 

in a minute or two, and the 

game began. Alice thought 

she had never seen such a 

curious croquet-ground in all 

her life ; it was all ridges and 

furrows ; the balls were live 

hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had 

to double themselves up and to stand upon their hands and 

feet, to make the arches. 

The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her 
flamingo ; she succeeded in getting its body tucked away, 
comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging 
down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely 
straightened out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow 




^^y'^^^ 



THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 85 

with its head, it ivould twist itself round and look up in her 
face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help 
bursting out laughing : and when she had got its head down, 
and was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find 
that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of 
crawling away : besides all this, there was generally a ridge or 
a furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog 
to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and 
walking off to other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the 
conclusion that it was a very difficult game indeed. 

The players all played at once without waiting for turns, 
quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs ; and 
in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and 
went stamping about, and shouting " Off with his head ! " or 
"Off with her head ! " about once in a minute. 

Alice began to feel very uneasy : to be sure she had not as 
yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it 
might happen any minute, " and then," thought she, " what 
would become of me ? They're dreadfully fond of beheading 
people here : the great wonder is that there's any one left 
alive ! " 

She was looking about for some way of escape, and wonder- 
ing whether she could get away without being seen, when she 
noticed a curious appearance in the air : it puzzled her very 
much at first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made 
it out to be a grin, and she said to herself " It's the Cheshire 
Cat : now I shall have somebody to talk to." 

" How are you getting on ? " said the Cat, as soon as there 
was mouth enough for it to speak with. 

Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 
*' It's no use speaking to it," she thought, " till its ears have 
come^ or at least one of them." In another minute the whole 



86 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and 
began an account of the game, feeling very glad she had some 
one to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there was 
enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared. 

" I don't think they play at all fairly," Alice began, in 
rather a complaining tone, " and they all quarrel so dreadfully 
one can't hear oneself speak — and they don't seem to have any 
rules in particular ; at least, if there are, nobody attends to 
them — and you've no idea how confusing it is all the things 
being alive ; for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through 
next walking about at the other end of the ground — and I 
should have croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it 
ran away when it saw mine coming ! " 

" How do you like the Queen ? " said the Cat in a low 
voice. 

" Not at all," said Alice : " she's so extremely " Just 

then she noticed that the Queen was close behind her listening : 

so she went on, " likely to win, that it's hardly worth 

while finishing the game." 

The Queen smiled and passed on. 

" Who are you talking to ? " said the King, coming up to 
Alice, and looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity. 

" It's a friend of mine — a Cheshire Cat," said Alice : 
'' allow me to introduce it." 

" I don't like the look of it at all," said the King : " how- 
ever, it may kiss my hand if it likes." 

" I'd rather not," the Cat remarked. 

"Don't be impertinent," said the King, "and don't look 
at me like that ! " He got behind Alice as he spoke. 

" A cat may look at a king," said Alice. " I've read 
that in some book, but I don't remember where." 

" Well, it must be removed," said the King very decidedly, 



THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 87 

and he called to the Queen, who was passing at the moment, 
" My dear ! I wish you would have this cat removed ! " 

The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, 
great or small. " Off with his head ! " she said, without 
even looking round. 

*' I'll fetch the executioner myself," said the King eagerly, 
and he hurried off. 

Alice thought she might as well go back and see how 
the game was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in 
the distance, screaming with passion. She had already heard 
her sentence three, of the players to be executed for having 
missed their turns, and she did not like the look of things 
at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never 
knew whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search 
of her hedgehog. 

The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedge- 
hog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for 
croqueting one of them with the other : the only difficulty 
was, that her flamingo was gone across to the other side of 
the garden, where Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort 
of way to fly up into one of the trees. 

By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it 
back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out 
of sight : " but it doesn't matter much," thought Alice, " as 
all the arches are gone from this side of the ground." So 
she tucked it under her arm, that it might not escape again, 
and went back for a little more conversation with her friend. 

When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised 
to find quite a large crowd collected round it : there was a 
dispute going on between the executioner, the King, and the 
Queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were 
quite silent, and looked very uncomfortable. 



88 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND 



The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all 
three to settle the question, and they repeated their arguments 
to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very 
hard indeed to make out exactly what they said. 

The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut 
off a head unless there was a body to cut it off from : that 




he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't 
going to begin at his time of life. 

The King's argument was, that anything that had a head 
could be beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense. 

The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done 
about it in less than no time, she'd have everybody executed 



THE QUEEN'S CROQUET-GROUND. 89 

all round. (It was this last remark that had made the whole 
party look so grave and anxious.) 

Alice could think of nothing else to say but " It belongs 
to the Duchess : you'd better ask her about it." 

" She's in prison," the Queen said to the executioner ; 
" fetch her here." And the executioner went off like an 
arrow. 

The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was 
gone, and, by the time he had come back with the Duchess, 
it had entirely disappeared ; so the King and the executioner 
ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the 
party went back to the game. 



CHAPTER IX. 



THE MOCK turtle's STORY. 



" You can't think how glad I am to see you again, you 
dear old thing ! " said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm 
affectionately into Alice's, and they walked off together. 

Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, 
and thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that 
had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen. 

" When Tm a Duchess," she said to herself (not in a very 
hopeful tone though), '' I won't have any pepper in my kitchen 
at all. Soup does very well without — Maybe it's always 
pepper that makes people hot-tempered," she went on, very 
much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, " and 
vinegar that makes them sour — and camomile that makes them 
bitter — and — and barley-sugar and such things that make 
children sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that : then 
they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you know " 

She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was 
a little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear. 
" You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes 
you forget to talk. I can't tell you just now what the moral of 
that is, but I shall remember it in a bit." 

" Perhaps it hasn't one," Alice ventured to remark. 

"• Tut, tut, child ! " said the Duchess. " Every thing's got a 



THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 91 

moral, if only you can find it." And she squeezed herself up 
closer to Alice's side as she spoke. 

Alice did not much like her keeping so close to her : first, 
because the Duchess was very ugly ; and secondly, because 
she was exactly the right height to rest her chin on Alice's 
shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, 
she did not like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she 
could. " The game's going on rather better now," she said, 
by way of keeping up the conversation a little. 

" 'Tis so," said the Duchess : " and the moral of that is — 
' Oh, 'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round ! ' " 

" Somebody said," Alice whispered, " that it's done by 
everybody minding their own business ! " 

''Ah, well 1 It means much the same thing," said the 
Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as 
she added, " and the moral of that is — ' Take care of the sense, 
and the sounds will take care of themselves.' " 

" How fond she is of finding morals in things ! " Alice 
thought to herself. 

" I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm 
round your waist," the Duchess said after a pause : " the 
reason is, that I'm doubtful about the temper of your flamingo. 
Shall I try the experiment ? " 

" He might bite," Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all 
anxious to have the experiment tried. 

" Very true," said the Duchess : " flamingoes and mustard 
both bite. And the moral of that is — ' Birds of a feather flock 
together.' " 

" Only mustard isn't a bird," Alice remarked. 

'' Eight, as usual," said the Duchess : " what a clear way you 
have of putting things ! " 

" It's a mineral, I think, '^ said Alice. 



92 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



*' Of course it is," said the Duchess, who seemed ready to 
agree to everything that Alice said ; '' there's a large mustard- 
mine near here. And the moral of that is — ' The more there 

is of mine, the less there is 
of yours.' " 

"Oh, I know!" ex- 
claimed Alice, who had not 
attended to this last re- 
mark. '■' It's a vegetable. 
It does'nt look like one, 
but it is." 

" I quite agree with you," 
said the Duchess ; " and the 
moral of that is — ' Be what 
you would seem to be ' — or 
if you'd like it put more 
simply — ' Never imagine 
yourself not to be other- 
wise than what it might 
appear to others that what 
you were or might have been was not otherwise than what 
you had been would have appeared to them to be other- 
wise. 

" I think I should understand that better," Alice said 
very politely, " if I had it written down : but I can't quite 
follow it as you say it." 

" That's nothing to what I could say if I chose," the 
Duchess replied, in a pleased tone. 

" Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than 
that," said Alice. 

" Oh, don't talk about trouble ! " said the Duchess. *' I 
make you a present of everything I've said as yet." 




P^/-:^/Ac^^^^^M: 



THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 



93 



I'm glad 
But she 



*' A cheap sort of present ! " thought Alice, 
they don't give birthday presents like that ! " 
did not venture to say it out loud. 

" Thinking again ? " the Duchess asked with another dig 
of her sharp little chin. 

" I've a right to think," said Alice sharply, for she was 
beginning to feel a little worried. 

" Just about as much right," said the Duchess, " as pigs 
have to fly ; and the m " 




But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died 
away, even in the middle of her favourite word ' moral,' and 
the arm that was linked into hers began to tremble. Alice 
looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with 
her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm. 

"A fine day, your Majesty 1" the Duchess began in a low, 
weak voice. 

*'Now, I give you fair warning," shouted the Queen, 
stamping on the ground as she spoke ; " either you or your 



9i ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

head must be ofF, and that in about half no time ! Take your 
choice ! " 

The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a 
moment. 

" Let's go on with the game," the Queen said to Alice ; 
and Alice was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly 
followed her back to the croquet-ground. 

The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's 
absence, and were resting in the shade : however, the moment 
they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the Queen 
merely remarking that a moment's delay would cost them their 
lives. 

All the time they w^ere playing the Queen never left off 
quarrelling with the other players, and shouting " OfF with his 
head ! " or " OfF with her head ! " Those whom she sentenced 
were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to 
leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half 
an hour or so there were no arches left, and all the players, 
except the King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and 
under sentence of execution. 

Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to 
Alice, " Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet ? " 

" No," said Alice. " I don't even know what a Mock 
Turtle is." 

" It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from," said 
the Queen. 

" I never saw one, or heard of one," said Alice. 

" Come on then," said the Queen, " and he shall tell you 
his history." 

As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say 
in a low voice, to the company generally, " You are all 
pardoned." '' Come, that's a good thing ! " she said to herself. 



THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 95 

for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions 
the Queen had ordered. 

They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep 
in the sun. (If you don't know what a Gryphon, is look at the 
picture.) "Up, lazy thing!" said the Queen, "and take 
this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his 
history. I must go back and see after some executions I 
have ordered," and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with 
the Gryphon. Alice did not quite like the look of the 
creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite as 
safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen : so 
she waited 

The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes : then it watched 
the Queen till she was out of sight : then it chuckled. " What 
fun I " said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice. 

" What is the fun ? " said Alice. 
* " Why, she," said the Gryphon. " It's all her fancy, 
that : they never executes nobody, you know. Come on ! " 

" Everybody says ' come on ! ' here," thought Alice, as 
she went slowly after it : "I never was so ordered about in 
all my life, never I " 

They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle 
in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of 
rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing 
as if his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. " What 
is his sorrow?" she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon 
answered, very nearly in the same words as before, " It's all 
his fancy, that : he hasn't got no sorrow, you know. Come on ! " 

So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them 
with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing. 

"This here young lady," said the Gryphon, "she wants 
for to know your history, she do." 



-96 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" ril tell it her," said the Mock Turtle in a Jeep, hollow 
tone ; " sit down, both of you, and don't speak a w^ord till 
I've finished." 

So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes. 
Alice thought to herself, " I don't see how he can ever finish, 
if he doesn't begin." But she waited patiently. 

" Once," said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, " I 
was a real Turtle." 

These words were followed by a very long silence, broken 
only by an occasional exclamation of " Hjckrrh ! " from the 
Gryphon, and the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. 
Alice was very nearly getting up and saying " Thank you, sir, 
for your interesting story," but she could not help thinking 
there must be more to come, so she sat still and said 
nothing. 

" When we were little," the Mock Turtle went on at last, 
more calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, '* we 
went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle — 
we used to call him Tortoise " 

'* Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one ? " Alice 
asked. 

" We called him Tortoise because he taught us," said 
the Mock Turtle angrily : " really you are very dull ! " 

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking 
such a simple question," added the Gryphon ; and then 
they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, w^ho felt 
ready to sink into the earth. At last the Gryphon said to 
the Mock Turtle, " Drive on, old fellow ! Don't be all day 
about it ! " and he went on in these words : 

" Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't 
believe it " 

" I never said I didn't ! " interrupted Alice. 



THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 97 

"You did," said the Mock Turtle. 

*' Hold your tongue ! " added the Gryphon, before Alice 
could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on : — 

" We had the best of educations— in fact, we went to 
school every day " 




" I've been to a day-school, too," said Alice ; " you 
needn't be so proud as all that." 

" With extras ? " asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously. 
" Yes," said Alice, " we learned French and music." 
"And washing?" said the Mock Turtle. 



98 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" Certainly not ! " said Alice indignantly. 

" Ah 1 tlien yours wasn't a really good school," said 
the Mock Turtle in a tone of great releif. " Now at om^s 
they had at the end of the bill, * French, music, anc? 
washing — extra.' " 

" You couldn't have wanted it much," said Alice ; " living 
at the bottom of the sea." 

" I couldn't afford to learn it," said the Mock Turtle 
with a sigh. '* I only took the regular course." 

" What was that ? " inquired Alice. 

*' Eeeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with," 
the Mock Turtle replied ; " and then the different branches 
of Arithmetic — Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and 
Derision." 

'* I never heard of 'Uglification,'" Alice ventured to 
say. " What is it ? " 

The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise. " Never 
heard of uglifying ! " it exclaimed. " You know what to 
beautify is, I suppose ? " 

*' Yes," said Alice doubtfully : " it means — to — make 
— anything — prettier." 

"Well, then," the Gryphon went on, "if you don't 
know what to uglify is, you are a simpleton." 

Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions 
about it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said " What 
else had you to learn ? " 

" Well, there was Mystery," the Mock Turtle replied, 
counting off the subjects on his flappers, " — Mystery, 
ancient and modern, with Seaography : then Drawling — 
the Drawling-master was an old conger-eel, that used to 
come once a week : he taught us Drawling, Stretching, and 
Faintinsf in Coils." 



THE MOCK TURTLE'S STORY. 99 

*' What was that like ? " said Alice. 

" Well, I can't show it you myself," the Mock Turtle 
said : " I'm too stiff. Aud the Gryphon never learnt it." 

" Hadn't time," said the Gryphon : "I went to the 
Classical master, though. He was an old crab, he was." 

" I never went to him," the Mock Turtle said with a 
sigh : "he taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say." 

'' So he did, so he did," said the Gryphon, sighing in his 
turn ; and both creatures hid their faces in their paws. 

" And how many hours a day did you do lessons ? " 
said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject. 

" Ten hours the first day," said the Mock Turtle : " nine 
the next, and so on." 

" What a curious plan ! " exclaimed Alice. 

" That's the reason they're called lessons," the Gryphon 
remarked : " because they lessen from day to day." 

This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it 
over a little before she made her next remark. " Then the 
eleventh day must have been a holiday." 

" Of course it w^as," said the Mock Turtle. 

"And how did you manage on the twelfth?" Alice 
went on eagerly. 

" That's enough about lessons," the Gryphon interrupted 
in a very decided tone : "tell her something about the 
games now." 



CHAPTER X. 

THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 

The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one 
flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice, and tried to 
speak, but, for a minute or two, sobs choked his voice. " Same 
as if he had a bone in his throat," said the Gryphon : and it 
set to work shaking him and punching him in the back. At 
last the Mock Turtle recovered his voice, and, with tears 
running down his cheeks, went on again : — 

"You may not have lived much under the sea — " ("I 
haven't," said Alice) *' and perhaps you were never even 
introduced to a lobster — " (Alice began to say " I once 

tasted " but checked herself hastily, and said " No, never ") 

" — so you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster 
Quadrille is ! " 

" No, indeed," said Alice. " What sort of a dance is it ? " 

" Why," said the Gryphon, " you first form into a line 
along the sea-shore " 

" Two lines ! " cried the Mock Turtle. " Seals, turtles, 
and so on ; then, when you've cleared the jelly-fish out of 
the way " 

" That generally takes some time," interrupted the 
Gryphon. 

" — you advance twice " 



THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 101 

" Each with a lobster as a paitner ! " cried the Gryphon. 

'• Of course," the Mock Turtle said : *' advance twice, set 
to partners " 

" — change lobsters, and retire in same order," continued 
the Gryphon. 

"Then, you know," the Mock Turtle went on, *'you 
throw the " 




" The lobsters ! " shouted the Gryphon, with a bound 
into the air. 

" — as far out to sea as you can " 

" Swim after them ! " screamed the Gryphon. 

" Turn a somersault in the sea ! " cried the Mock Turtle, 
capering wildly about. 

" Change lobsters again ! " yelled the Gryphon. 



102 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

** Back to land again, and — that's all the first figure," said 
the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice ; and the two 
creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things all 
this time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked 
at Alice. 

" It must be a very pretty dance," said Alice, timidly. 

" Would you like to see a little of it ? " said the Mock 
Turtle. 

"Very much indeed," said Alice. 

" Come, let's try the first figure ! " said the Mock Turtle 
to the Gryphon. " We can do it without lobsters, you 
know. Which shall sing ? " 

" Oh, you sing," said the Gryphon. " I've forgotten the 
words." 

So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, 
every now and then treading on her toes when they passed 
too close, and waving their forepaws to mark the time, while 
the Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly : — 

" Will you walk a little faster ? " said a whiting to a snail, 
" There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. 
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance ! 
They are waiting on the shingle— will you come and join the 
dance ? 
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join 

the dance ? 
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join 
the dance ? 

" You can really have no notion how delightful it will be, 
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to 

sea ! " 
But the snxiil replied " Too far, too far ! " and gave a look 

aslcance — 



THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 103 

Said he thanked the whiting kindly, hut he would not join the 

dance. 
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join 

the dance. 
Woidd not, could not, would not, could not, could not join 

the dance, 

" What onatters it how far we go ? " his scaly friend replied. 
" There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. 
The further off from England the nearer is to France — 
Titen turn not pale, beloved snail, hut come and join the dance 
Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join 

the dance ? 
Will you, won't you, will you, wont you, won't you join 
the dance ? " 

'* Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch," said 
Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last : *' and I do 
so like that curious song about the whiting ! " 

" Oh, as to the whiting," said the Mock Turtle, " they — 
you've seen them, of course ? " 

" Yes," said Alice, "I've often seen them at dinn " 

she checked herself hastily. 

" I don't know where Dinn may be," said the Mock Turtle, 
** but if you've seen them so often, of course you know what 
they're like." 

" I believe so," Alice replied thoughtfully. *' They have 
their tails in their mouths — and they're all over crumbs." 

" You're wrong about the crumbs," said the Mock Turtle : 
" crumbs would all wash off in the sea. But they have their 
tails in their mouths ; and the reason is — " here the Mock 
Turtle yawned and shut his eyes. " Tell her about the reason 
and all that," he said to the Gryphon. 

" The reason is," said the Gryphon, " that they would go 



104 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

with the lobsters to the dance. So they got thrown out to sea. 
So they had to fall a long way. So they got their tails fast 
in their mouths. So they couldn't get them out again. 
That's all." 

" Thank you," said Alice, " it's very interesting. I never 
knew so much about a whiting before." 

" I can tell you more than that, if you like," said the 
Gryphon. " Do you know why it's called a whiting ? " 

"I never thought about it," said Alice. ^'Why?" 

''It does the hoots and shoes," the Gryphon replied very 
solemnly. 

Alice was thoroughly puzzled. " Does the boots and 
shoes 1 " she repeated in a wondering tone. 

" Why, what are your shoes done with ? " said the 
Gryphon. " I mean, what makes them so shiny ? " 

Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before 
she gave her answer. " They're done with blacking, 1 
believe." 

"Boots and shoes under* the sea," the Gryphon went on 
in a deep voice, " are done with whiting. Now you know." 

''And what are they made of?" Alice asked in a tone 
of great curiosity. 

" Soles and eels, of course," the Gryphon replied rather 
impatiently : " any shrimp could have told you that." 

" If I'd been the whiting," said Alice, whose thoughts 
were still running on the song, " I'd have said to the 
porpoise, ' Keep back, please : we don't want you with us ! " 

" They were obliged to have him with them," the Mock 
Turtle said : "no wise fish would go anywhere without a 
porpoise." 

" Wouldn't it really ? " said Alice in a tone of great 
surprise. 



THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 



105 



" Of course not," said the Mock Turtle : " wliv, if a fisli 
came to me, and told me he was going a journey, I should 
say ' With what porpoise ? ' " 

"Don't you mean * purpose'?" said Alice. 

" I mean what I say," the Mock Turtle replied in an 
offended tone. And the Gryphon added " Come, let's hear 
some of your adventures." 

" I could tell you my 
adventures — beginning from 
this morning," said Alice a little 
timidly : " but it's no use going 
back to yesterday, because I was 
a different person then." 

" Explain all that," said the 
Mock Turtle. 

" No, no ! The adventures 
first," said the Gryphon in an 
impatient tone : " explanations 
take such a dreadful time." 

So Alice began telling them 
her adventures from the time 
when she first saw the White 
Rabbit. She was a little ner- 
vous about it just at first, the 
two creatures got so close to her, one on each side, and opened 
their eyes and mouths so very wide, but she gained courage as 
she went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to 
the part about her repeating " You are old, Father William" 
to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming different, and then 
the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said " That's very 
curious." 

" It's all about as curious as it can be," said the Gryphon. 




106 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" It all came different ! " the Mock Turtle repeated 
thoughtfully. " I should like to hear her repeat something 
now. Tell her to begin." He looked at the Gryphon as if 
he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice. 

''Stand up and repeat ''Tis the voice of the sluggard,'" 
said the Gryphon. 

" How the creatures order one about, and make one 
repeat lessons ! " thought Alice. " I might as well be at 
school at once." However, she got up, and began to repeat 
it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that 
she hardly knew what she was saying, and the words came 
very queer indeed : — 

•' 'Tis the voice of the Lobster ; I heard hivi declare, 
' You have baked one too brown, I must sugar my hair J 
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose 
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes. 
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark, 
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark : 
But, when the tide rises and sharks are arownd, 
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound!' 

" That 's different from what / used to say when I was 
a child," said the Gryphon. 

" Well, / never heard it before," said the Mock Turtle : 
" but it sounds uncommon nonsense." 

Alice said nothing ; she had sat down with her face in 
her hands, wondering if anything would ever happen in a 
natural way again. 

" I should like to have it explained," said the Mock 
Turtle. 

** She ca'n't explain it," hastily said the Gryphon. " Go 
on with the next verse." 



THE LOBSTER QUADRILLE. 107 

" But about his toes ? " the Mock Turtle persisted. *' How 
could he turn them out with his nose, you know ? " 

" It's the first position in dancing," Alice said ; but was 
dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change 
the subject. 

*' Go on with the next verse," the Gryphon repeated : "it 
begins ' / passed hy his garden,' " 

Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would 
all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice : — 

" / passed hy his garden, and marked, with one eye, 
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie : 
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat, 
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat. 
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon, 
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon : 
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl, 
And concluded the banquet hy — — " 

"What is the use of repeating all that stuff," the Mock 
Turtle interrupted, "if you don't explain it as you go on? 
It's by far the most confusing thing / ever heard ! " 

" Yes, I think you'd better leave off," said the Gryphon : 
and Alice was only too glad to do so. 

" Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?" 
the Gryphon went on. " Or would you like the Mock Turtle 
to sing you another song ? " 

" Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so 
kind," Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a 
rather offended tone, " Hm ! No accounting for tastes ! Sing 
her * Turtle Soup,' will you, old fellow ? " 

> The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice 
choked with sobs, to sing this : — 



108 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

''Beautiful Soup, so rick and green, 
Waiting in a hot tureen ! 
Who for such dainties would not stoop ! 
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup ! 
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 

Beau — ootiful Soo — oop ! 
Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beautiful Soup ! 

" Beautiful Soup ! Who cares for fish, 
Game, or any other dish? 
Who would not give all else for two p 
enny worth only of beautiful Soup 1 
Pennyworth only of beautiful soup ? 
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 
Beau — ootiful Soo — oop! 
Soo — oop of the e — e — evening, 

Beautiful, beauti—FUL SOUP!" 

" Chorus again 1 " cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle 
had just begun to repeat it, when a cry of " The trial's begin- 
ning ! " was heard in the distance. 

"Come on!" cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by 
the hand, it hurried off, without waiting for the end of 
the song. 

'' What trial is it ? " Alice panted as she ran ; but the 
Gryphon only answered " Come on I " and ran the faster, 
while more and more faintly came, carried on the breeze that 
followed them, the melancholy words : — 

" Soo — oop of the e — e — evening. 
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!" 



CHAPTER XL 

WHO STOLE THE TARTS? 

The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne 
when they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them 
— all sorts of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole 
pack of cards : the Knave was standing before them, in chains, 
with a soldier on each side to guard him ; and near the King 
was the White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a 
scroll of parchment in the other. In the very middle of 
the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon it : 
they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look 
at them — " I wish they'd get the trial done," she thought, 
" and hand round the refreshments ! " But there seemed to 
be no chance of this, so she began looking about her, to pass 
away the time. 

Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she 
had read about them in books, and she was quite pleased 
to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. 
"That's the judge," she said to herself, "because of his great 
wig." 

The judge, by the way, was the King ; and as he wore 
his crown over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want 
to see how he did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and 
it was certainly not becoming. 



no ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" And that's the jury-box," thought Alice, " and those 
twelve creatures," (she was obliged to say "creatures," you 
see, because some of them were animals, and some were birds,) 
"1 suppose they are the jurors." She said this last word 
two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of 
it : for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls 
of her age knew the meaning of it at all. However, " jury- 
men" would have done just as well. 

The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates. 
" What are they all doing ? " Alice whispered to the Gryphon. 
" They ca n't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's 
begun." 

" They're putting down their names," the Gryphon whis- 
pered in reply, "for fear they should forget them before the 
end of the trial." 

"Stupid things !" Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, 
but she stopped hastily, for the White Eabbit cried out 
" Silence in the court 1 " and the King put on his spectacles 
and looked anxiously round, to see who was talking. 

Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their 
shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down " stupid 
things ! " on their slates, and she could even make out that 
one of them didn't know how to spell "stupid," and that 
he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. "A nice muddle 
their slates will be in before the trial's over ! " thought Alice. 

One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked. This, of 
course, Alice could not stand, and she went round the court 
and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of 
taking it away. She did it so quickly that the poor little 
juror (it was Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all 
what had become of it ; so, after hunting all about for it, 
he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the 



WHO STOLE THE TARTS 1 111 

day ; and this was of very little use, as it left no mark on 
the slate. 

'' Herald, read the accusation ! " said the King. 
On this the White Kabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, 
and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read aa 
follows : — 

" The Queen of Hearts, she iiiade soTiie tarts, 
All on a summer day : 
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts, 
And took them quite away ! " 

" Consider your verdict," the King said to the jury. 

*' Not yet, not yet I " the Rabbit hastily interrupted. 
'* There's a great deal to come before that ! " 

'' Call the first witness," said the King ; and the White 
Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out 
" First witness ! " 

The first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a 
teacup in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the 
other. " I beg pardon, your Majesty," he began, " for bringing 
these in : but I hadn't cjuite finished my tea when I was 
sent for." 

" You ought to have finished," said the King. " When 
did you begin ? " 

The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed 
him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse. " Four- 
teenth of March, I think it was," he said. 

"Fifteenth," said the March Hare. 

" Sixteenth," said the Dormouse. 

" Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the 
jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and 
then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings 
and pence. 



112 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



"Take off your hat," the King said to the Hatter. 

" It isn't mine," said the Hatter. 

^' Stolen y the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who 
instantly made a memorandum of the fact. 

" I keep them to sell," the Hatter added as an explanation : 
" I've none of my own. I'm a hatter." 

Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring 
hard at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted. 




" Give your evidence," said the King ; " and don't be 
nervous, or I'll have you executed on the spot." 

This did not seem to encourage the witness at all : he 
kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily at 
the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of 
his teacup instead of the bread-and-butter. 

Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, 
which puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was : 



WHO STOLE THE TARTS 1 



113 



she was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at 
first she would get up and leave the court ; but on second 
thoughts she decided to remain where she was as long as 
there was room for her. 

" I wish you wouldn't squeeze so," said the Dormouse, who 
was sitting next to her. " I can hardly breathe." 

" I can't help it," said Alice very meekly : " I'm growing." 

"You've no right to grow 
here" said the Dormouse. 

" Don't talk nonsense," said 
Alice more boldly : " you know 
you're growing too." 

"Yes, but / graw at a 
reasonable pace," said the Dor- 
mouse ; " not in that ridiculous 
fashion." And he got up very 
sulkily and crossed over to the 
other side of the court. 

All this time the Queen had 
never left off staring at the 
Hatter, and, just as the Dor- 
mouse crossed the court, she said 

to one of the officers of the court, " Bring me the list of the 
singers in the last concert!" on which the wretched Hatter 
trembled so, that he shook off both his shoes. 

'' Give your evidence," the King repeated angrily, ' or I'll 
have you executed, whether you're nervous or not." 

" I'm a poor man, your Majesty," the Hatter began, in a 
trembling voice, " — and I hadn't begun my tea — not above a 
week or so — and what with the bread-and-buttei getting so 
thin — and the twinkling of the tea " 




"The twinkling of what?" said the King. 



H 



114 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

" It began with the tea," the Hatter replied. 

" Of course twinkling begins with a T ! " said the King 
sharply. " Do you take me for a dunce ? Go on ! " 

" Tm a poor man," the Hatter went on, " and most things 
twinkled after that — only the March Hare said " 

" I didn't ! " the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry. 

" You did ! " said the Hatter. 

"I deny it!" said the March Hare. 

" He denies it," said the King : " leave out that part." 

" Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said " the Hatter 

went on, looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it 
too : but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep. 

"After that," continued the Hatter, "I cut some more 
bread-and-butter " 

"But what did the Dormouse say? " one of the jury 
asked. 

" That I ca'n't remember," said the Hatter. 

" You must remember," remarked the King, " or 111 have 
you executed." 

The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and- 
butter, and went down on one knee. " I'm a poor man, your 
Majesty," he began. 

" You're a very poor speaker,'' said the King. 

Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was mimediately 
suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that is rather a 
hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They 
had a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with 
strings : into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and 
then sat upon it.) 

"I'm glad I've seen that done," thought Alice. "I've so 
often read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, ' There was 
some attempt at applause, which was immediately suppressed 



WHO STOLE THE TARTS 1 115 

by the officers of the court,' and I never understood what it 
meant till now." 

" If that's all you know about it, you may stand down," 
continued the King. 

" I ca'n't go no lower," said the Hatter : " Fm on the floor, 
as it is." 

" Then you may sit down," the King replied. 

Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed. 

" Come, that finishes the guinea-pigs ! " thought Alice. 
" Now we shall get on better." 

" I'd rather finish my tea," said the Hatter, with an anxious 
look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers. 

" You may go," said the King ; and the Hatter hurriedly 
left the court, without even waiting to put his shoes on. 

" — and just take his head off outside," the Queen added 
to one of the officers ; but the Hatter was out of sight before 
the officer could get to the door. 

" Call the next witness ! " said the King. 

The next witness was the Duchess's cook. She carried the 
pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even 
before she got into the court, by the way the people near the 
door began sneezing all at once. 

" Give your evidence," said the King. 

"Sha'n't," said the cook. 

The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said 
in a low voice, " Your Majesty must cross-examine this 
witness." 

" Well, if I must, I must," the King said with a melancholy 
air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till 
his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, 
"What are tarts made of?" 

" Pepper, mostly," said the cook. 



116 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



" Treacle," said a sleepy voice behind her. 

" Collar that Dormpuse," the Queen shrieked out. 
" Behead that Dormouse I Turn that Dormouse out of 
court 1 Suppress him ! Pinch him ! Off with his whiskers." 

For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, 
getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had 
settled down again, the cook had disappeared. 

" Never mind ! " said the King, with an air of great relief. 




*' Call the next witness." And he added in an undertone to 
the Queen, " Keally, my dear, you must cross-examine the 
next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache ! " 

Alice watched the White Eabbit as he fumbled over the 
list, feeling very curious to see what the next witness would 
be like, "-^for they haven't got much evidence yet,'' she 
said to herself Imagine her surprise, when the White 
Rabbit read out, at the top of his shrill little voice, the name 
" Alice ! " 



CHAPTER XII. 

Alice's evidence. 

•* Here ! " cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the 
moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, 
and she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the 
jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen 
on to the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay 
sprawling about, reminding her very much of a globe of 
gold-fish she had accidentaly upset the week before. 

" Oh, I beg your pardon ! " she exclaimed in a tone of 
great dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly 
as she could, for the accident of the gold-fish kept running 
in her head, and she had a vague sort of idea that they must 
be collected at once and put back into the jury-box, or they 
would die. 

" The trial cannot proceed," said the King in a very grave 
voice, " until all the jurymen are back in their proper places 
— all," he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at 
Alice as he said so. 

Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, 
she had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor 
little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, 
being quite unable to move. She soon got it out again, 
and put it right ; " not that it signifies much," she said to 



118 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

herself; "I should think it would be quite as much use in 
the trial one way up as the other." 

As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock 
of being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found 
and handed back to them, they set to work very diligently 
to write out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, 
who seemed too much overcome to do anything but sit with 
its mouth open, gazing up into the roof of the court. 

'' What do you know about this business ! " the King said 
to Alice. 

'' Nothing," said Alice. 

"Nothing whatever?'' persisted the King. 

" Nothing whatever," said Alice. 

" That's very important," the King said, turning to the 
jury. They were just beginning to write this down on their 
slates, when the White Eabbit interrupted : " [/important , 
your Majesty means, of course," he said in a very respectful 
tone, but frowning and making faces at him as he spoke. 

'' C/nimportant, of course, I meant," the King hastily 
said, and went on to himself in an undertone, " important — 

unimportant — unimportant — important " as if he were 

trying which word sounded best. 

Some of the jury wrote it down "important," and some 
*' unimportant." Alice could see this, as she was near enough 
to look over their slates ; " but it doesn't matter a bit," 
she thought to herself. 

At this moment the King, who had been for some time 
busily writing in his note-book, called out " Silence ! " and 
read out from his book, " Eule Forty-two. All persons more 
than a mile high to leave the court," 

Everybody looked at Alice. 

^^ Tm not a mile high," said Alice. 



ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 119 

*' You are," said the King. 

"Nearly two miles high," added the Queen. 

" Well, I sha'n't go, at any rate," said Alice : " besides, 
that's not a regular rule : you invented it just now." 

'' It's the oldest rule in the book," said the King. 

" Then it ought to be Number One," said Alice. 

The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily. 
"Consider your verdict," he said to the jury, in a low 
trembling voice. 

" There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty," 
said the White Eabbit, jumping up in a great hurry : " this 
paper has just been picked up." 

" What's in it ? " said the Queen. 

" I haven't opened it yet," said the White Eabbit, " but it 
seems to be a letter, written by the prisoner to — to somebody." 

" It must have been that," said the King, " unless it 
was written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know." 

" Who is it directed to ? " said one of the jurymen. 

" It isn't directed at all," said the White Eabbit ; "in 
fact, there's nothing written on the outside.'' He unfolded 
the paper as he spoke, and added " It isn't a letter, after 
all : it's a set of verses." 

" Are they in the prisoner's handwriting ? " asked another 
of the jurymen. 

"No, they're not," said the White Eabbit, "and that's 
the queerest thing about it." (The jury all looked puzzled.) 

"He must have imitated somebody else's hand," said the 
King. (The jury all brightened up again.) 

" Please your Majesty," said the Knave, '' I didn't write 
it, and they can't prove that I did : there's no name signed at 
the end." 

" If you didn't sign it," said the King, " that only makes 



120 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



the matter worse. You must have meant S(5me mischief, or 
else you'd have signed your name like an honest man." 

There was a general clapping of hands at this : it was 
the first really clever thing the King had said that day. 




" That proves his guilt, of course," said the Queen : "so, 
off with " 

" It doesn't prove anything of the sort ! " said Alice. 
" Why, you don't even know what they're about ! " 

" Eead them," said the King. 

The White Eabbit put on his spectacles. " Where shall 
I begin, please your Majesty?" he asked. 



ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 121 

"Begin at the beginning," the King said gravely, "and 
go on till you come to the end ; then stop." 

There was dead silence in the court, whilst the White Eabbit 
read out these verses : — 

" They told me you had been to her, 
And mentioned me to him : 
She gave me a good character, 
But said I could not swim. 

He sent them word I had not gone, 

(We know it to he true): 
If she should push the matter on, 

What would become of you ? 

I gave her one, they gave him two, 

You gave us three or more ; 
They all returned from him to you, 

Though they were mine before. 

If I or she should chance to be 

Involved in this affair. 
He trusts to you to set them free, 

Exactly as vje were. 

My notion was that you had been 

(Before she had this fit) 
An obstacle that came between 

Him., and ourselves, and it. 

Don't let him know she liked them best, 

For this must ever be 
A secret, kept from all the rest, 

Between yourself and me." 

"That's the most important piece of evidence weVe 
heard yet," said the King, rubbing his hands ; "so now let 
the jury " 



122 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

'' If any one of them can explain it," said Alice, (she 
had grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't 
a bit afraid of interrupting him,) " Til give him sixpence. 
/ don't believe there's an atom of meaning in it." 

The jury all wrote down on their slates, " She doesn't 
believe there's an atom of meaning in it," but none of them 
attempted to explain the paper. 

"If there's no meaning in it," said the King, " that saves a 
world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any. And 
yet I don't know," he went on, spreading out the verses on his 
knee, and looking at them with one eye ; "I seem to see some 

meaning in them, after all. ' said I could not swim — * 

you can't swim, can you ? " he added, turning to the Knave. 

The Knave shook his head sadly. " Do I look like it ? " 
he said. (Which he certainly did noty being made entirely 
of cardboard.) 

'' All right, so far," said the King, and he went on mutter- 
ing over the verses to himself : " * We know it to he true — ' 
that's the jury, of course — 'If she should push the matter on' 
— that must be the Queen — * What would become of you f ' — 
What, indeed ! — ' / gave her one, they gave . him two — ' why, 
that must be what he did with the tarts, you know " 

" But it goes on ' they all returned from him to you,' " 
said Alice. 

" Why, there they are ! " said the King triumphantly, 
pointing to the tarts on the table. " Nothing can be clearer 
than that. Then again — ' before she had this ft — ' you 
never had fts, my dear, I think ? " he said to the Queen. 

" Never I " said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand 
at the Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate little Bill 
had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found 
it made no mark; but he now hastily began again, using 



ALICE'S EVIDENCE. ll'3 

the ink, that was trickling down his face, as long as it 
lasted. ) 

" Then the words don't jit you," said the King, looking 
round the court with a smile. There was a dead silence. 

" It's a pun ! " the King added in an angry tone, and 
everybody laughed. 

" Let the jury consider their verdict," the King said, 
for about the twentieth time that day. 

" No, no ! " said the Queen. " Sentence first — verdict 
afterwards." 

" Stuff and nonsense ! " said Alice loudly. " The idea of 
having the sentence first ! " 

" Hold your tongue ! " said the Queen, turning purple. 

"I won't!" said Alice. 

*' Off with her head ! " the Queen shouted at the top of 
her voice. Nobody moved. 

" Who cares for you ? " said Alice, (she had grown to 
her full size by this time.) " You're nothing but a pack 
of cards ! " 

At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came 
flying down upon her : she gave a little scream, half of 
fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them off, and 
found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap 
of her sister, who was gently brushing away some dead leaves 
that had fluttered down from the trees upon her face. 

"Wake up, Alice dear!" said her sister. "Why, what 
a long sleep you've had ! " 

" Oh, I've had such a curious dream ! " said AUce, and 
she told her sister, as well as she could remember them, 
all these strange Adventures of hers that you have just 
been reading about; and when she had finished, her sister 
kissed her, and said " It was a curious dream, dear, certainly : 



124 



ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 



but now run in to your tea ; it's getting late." So Alice 
got up and ran off, thinking while she ran, as well she might, 
what a wonderful dream it had been. 



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But her sister sat still just as she had left her, leaning her 

head on her hand, watching the set- 
ting sun, and thinking of little Alice 
and all her wonderful Adventures, 
till she too began dreaming after 
a fashion, and this was her dream: — 
First, she dreamed of little Alice 
herself, and once again the tiny 
hands were clasped upon her knee, 
and the bright eager eyes were 
looking up into hers — she could 
hear the very tones of her voice, 
and see that queer little toss of her 
head to keep back the wandering 
hair that ivould always get into her 

eyes — and 
still as she 
listened, or 
seemed to 
listen, the 
whole place 
around her 
became alive 
with the strange creatures of her little sister's dream. 

The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Eabbit 
hurried by — the frightened Mouse splashed his way through 
the neighbouring pool — she could hear the rattle of the 




ALICE'S EVIDENCE. 



125 



teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their 
never-ending meal, and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering 
off her unfortunate guests to execution — once more the pig- 
baby was sneezing on the Duchess' knee, while plates and 




dishes crashed around it — once more the shriek of the 
Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's slate-pencil, and 
the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs, filled the air. 
mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock Turtle. 



126 ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND. 

So she sat on with closed eyes, and half believed herself 
in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them 
again, and all would change to dull reality — the grass would 
be only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the 
waving of the reeds — the rattling teacups would change to 
the tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the 
voice of the shepherd boy — and the sneeze of the baby, 
the shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, 
would change (she knew) to the confused clamour of the 
busy farm-yard — while the lowing of the cattle in the dis- 
tance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's heavy sobs. 

Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister 
of hers would, in the after- time, be herself a grown woman ; 
and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the 
simple and loving heart of Jier childhood : and how she 
would gather about her other little children, and make their 
eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale, perhaps 
even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago : and how 
she would feel with all their simple sorrows, and find a 
pleasure in all their simple joys, remembering her own 
child-life, and the happy summer days. 



THE END. 



R. CLAY AND SONS, LTD., DRFAD ST. HILL, E.C., AND BUNGAY, SUFFOLK. 



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